


Picture In A Park

by WizkidCastiel



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Angst with a Happy Ending, Credence Barebone Gets a Hug, Credence Barebone Needs a Hug, Gellert Grindelwald Being Creepy, Gellert Grindelwald is Credence Barebone's Father, Gen, Happy Credence Barebone, Love at First Sight, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Trans Credence Barebone, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2020-02-29 15:36:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 28,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18781162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WizkidCastiel/pseuds/WizkidCastiel
Summary: In a non-magical universe, Credence Barebone left home at 18. Now, living on his own, he is happy and confident. But only in so many ways. Still suffering from the effects of abuse by his mother and father, he finds himself unworthy of romantic love. Except one day, a man named Percival Graves comes into into his life out of the blue. Credence will learn the true value of friendship and trust. And that sometimes, even if we don't believe the best in ourselves, someone else will see that light shine through.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Friends!! Welcome to my new fic which had been plaguing me for weeks before I sat down and committed myself to the idea. I've currently got the first two chapters written and have just started on the third. Updates will (hopefully) be every Friday. Nothing *ahem* triggering should happen for quite some time, but rest assured I'll add warnings appropriately as they appear.  
> As a trans guy, I really just wanted to write a story where someone like myself was at center stage. And dammit, that's just what I did.  
> Also: this story has not been edited by anyone else but myself, any mistakes are 100% my own. Many thanks to JK Rowling for these characters, I hope I did them justice.  
> I have a playlist in the works that will feature all songs at the beginning at each chapter, and even a few extras that represent my two favorite boys. :)  
> See you next week!

_I'll paint you mornings of gold_

_I'll spin you Valentine evenings_

_Though we're strangers 'til now,_

_We're choosing the path_

_Between the stars_

_I'll leave my love_

_Between the stars_

_-David Bowie, “As the World Falls Down”_

*.*.*

            It was a Friday afternoon and Credence was in the park taking pictures. He never took a photo of one thing in particular, simply pointed his camera at anything interesting and snapped. The trees, the sky, people, animals. It didn’t matter. It gave him a sense of freedom in a way, to capture tiny moments of life in a single frame.

            In a practiced motion, he switched the lenses on his camera so he could get some shots from far away. It wouldn’t do to keep the same perspective for every photo. His 200mm zoom lens was his pride and joy. It had taken a pretty penny out his pocket, but the photos he had captured with it had been absolutely worth it. He had earned back everything the lens had cost by selling photos he had shot with it.

            He aimed his camera randomly from his spot on the hill and took a picture of a baby crying and another of a dog mid-sneeze. He got a particularly nice one of a rose bush in bloom. Right next to the rose bush was a man reading a newspaper on a bench. He adjusted his angle so that the side of the man’s face was in view. He seemed to be quite older, his hair had signs of graying from what Credence could tell. It was slicked back though, in a manner that made it seem like he was trying to appear younger.

            Credence snapped a few consecutive shots and thought they might look rather nice in black and white. Maybe he might even blur the edges of the photo. But as if on cue, the man reading the newspaper turned and stared back at Credence through his lens. Credence inhaled sharply and drew back from the viewfinder. He squinted through the park and realized the man was still looking at him, almost expectantly. Credence sighed and picked up his camera equipment. There was no use hiding, he would walk down the hill and explain to the man that he was a photographer and he was very sorry to invade on his privacy. He would offer to delete the pictures and apologize profusely. This kind of thing didn’t happen often, but this usual routine always appeased any upset subjects.

            Within a few minutes, Credence had approached the park bench. The older man simply stared and before Credence could begin talking, the man patted the seat next to him.

            “Sit.” He said simply.

            Credence sat, somewhat forcefully and opened his mouth to begin his explanation to the older man, but he stopped as the man held his hand out for the camera.

            “May I see the pictures you took?”

            “Oh, um, sure.” Credence turned his camera back on and removed the strap from his neck. “I took quite a few. Sorry.”

            The older man was silent as he scrolled through the shots that Credence had gotten and Credence even allowed him to scroll past the ten or so of him and look at the other photos he had taken that day. The man laughed when he saw the picture of the dog sneezing.

            “These are quite good,” he said as he handed the camera back to Credence. “If only a bit creepy.”

            “Yeah, I get that. But in my experience, people tend to act differently when they know they’re being photographed.”

            “Well, I can’t argue with that.” He said simply and made to reopen his newspaper.

            Credence watched as the man went back to skimming his issue of _The Village Voice._ He was at a loss for words. Was he supposed to delete the photos? The man was actively ignoring him now, seemingly lost in the obituary section. Should he get up and leave? Feeling braver than usual, Credence spoke up.

            “Hey, listen, I can delete them if you want. It’s no big deal.”

            “What?” The man said sharply and turned towards Credence. “Why would you do a thing like that?”

            “You must be upset, I took your picture without asking. It would be only natural if you didn’t want…” But Credence stopped when the man started chuckling at him. “What?”

            “Listen, those photos are too good to be deleted.”

            Credence blushed and mumbled something about a happy accident. Most pictures he took ended up in private folders for only himself to see.

            “A happy accident? Boy, that’s talent.” The man said, gesturing towards the camera that was back around Credence’s neck.

            “Well, thank you, Mister…?”

            “Graves. Percival Graves.” He said and stuck his hand out for a handshake.

            “Nice to meet you, Mr. Graves. My name’s Credence Barebone.” He took Mr. Graves’ hand and gave it a firm shake. The older man’s hand felt warm in his own, too warm almost and he resisted the urge to rip his hand away.

            “Well, Credence,” he said, actively grinning now, “What brings you to this park this fine Friday afternoon, besides my strikingly handsome face, of course?”

            “Oh, I come here every week.” Credence responded, pointedly ignoring Mr. Graves’ blatant flirting. “Not always Friday, just whenever I have a day off.”

            “Really? I’ve been coming here for a few weeks and I haven’t seen you before.”

            “I tend to stay as invisible as I can.” Credence said, ducking his head in embarrassment. “It helps to be unseen when you take pictures of people that aren’t supposed to be aware of you.”

            “So you don’t do this for a living?” Mr. Graves asked, looking genuinely shocked.

            “God no,” he laughed out. “I work at a coffee shop not far from here and occasionally I work nights at a hotel. The dream is to travel around and take photographs, but I have other… commitments.”

            “Nothing wrong with that, Credence. Sometimes, it’s good to know hardship before you know comfort.”

            “You really believe that, Mr. Graves?”

            “Well, not entirely, if I’m being completely honest, but it sounded like something intelligent to say.”

            Credence smiled a little at that. This Mr. Graves character was turning out to be quite amiable. In fact, he was finding it hard to remember the last time he had had a genuine conversation with a stranger.

            “So, what do you do for a living then?”

            “Hm… I sit in parks and talk to strangers for a newspaper article that I write every week.” Mr. Graves answered and grinned at him.

            Credence laughed and shook his head in amusement. “Right, because that’s a real thing.”

            “No, I’m quite serious, Credence,” he said, unfurling the newspaper he still held. “Right there, second page.”

            “Holy shit.” Credence breathed because on the second page there indeed was an article titled _Conversations with Park Strangers._ The byline naming the author as one Percival Graves. There was even a tiny, grained image of the man that was sitting next to him. “Your headshot is a bit shitty.”

            He hadn’t realized he said that last sentence out loud until he heard Mr. Graves laughing. “Sorry,” the older man said, “No one’s ever been that honest about my photograph before.”

            “I’m the one who should be sorry,” muttered Credence. “That was rude of me.”

            “What’s a bit of rudeness between strangers?” Mr. Graves shrugged and casually crossed his legs. “You seem like a genuinely good lad so I’ll forgive you.”

            “Why I thank you, Mr. Graves,” Credence grinned and put his hand over his heart in earnest, “your kind words bring joy to this shriveled heart of mine.”

            “You’re something else, Credence.” Mr. Graves laughed out and Credence swore he almost saw his eyes twinkle in amusement.

            Credence shrugged and fiddled with his neck strap. “I try.” He said simply.

            There was a few beats of silence before Credence spoke up again. “Can I just ask how you knew I was taking pictures of you in the first place? I almost crapped my pants when you looked straight back at me through my lens.”

            “Pretty simple really. The glare off your lens caught the corner of my eye.”

            “Oh.” Credence responded. He’d really expected something grander than that answer, maybe even something magical. “So,” Credence stalled, picking some imaginary lint from his pants. “Is there any chance that you’ll write about me in that paper of yours?”

            “Well now,” Mr. Graves mused, his eyebrows raising in a playful manner. “I just might be inclined to… on one condition.”

            “And what would that be?” he asked, his hands already going to protect his camera and the photos within it.

            “Come have lunch with me.”

            It was the boldest thing anyone had ever said to Credence. He immediately wanted to say yes, his breakfast that morning had been two bananas and a glass of water. But there was something that made him pause. A deep-rooted fear pushed on him by Mary Lou, warnings that strangers weren’t to be trusted or talked to. He swallowed that fear down and closed the lid back on Mary Lou’s words.

            “Okay.” He said simply.

*.*.*

            They sat in a booth, at an ordinary mom-and-pop burger shop. The décor was vintage 40s and it made Credence’s fingers itch for his camera. The waitress, complete with a pink poodle skirt, had brought them menus and taken their drink orders already. Credence had indulged and asked for a cherry coke.

            “Anything look particularly interesting?” Mr. Graves asked from behind his own menu.

            Credence, whose eye had already been on a brilliant photo of a bacon cheeseburger, hummed thoughtfully. “Do you think their fries are vegan?”

            “You’re vegan?” Came the response from a wide-eyed Mr. Graves. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even think to ask. We can go somewhere else if…”

            “It’s fine, I was only joking. You put any form of meat in front of me and I’ll eat it.” He laughed and then found himself straight-faced two seconds later. “Wait, that’s not…”

            Mr. Graves laughed silently into his menu, his shoulders shaking with the effort of trying to hide it. “Consider it scratched from the record, lad.”

            Credence’s blush returned and he was grateful for the return of the waitress with their drinks. He hoped the cold soda would cool his face down.

            “So tell me,” Mr. Graves said, after confirming their order of two bacon cheeseburgers and fries. “I know you take pictures and where you work but, how old are you? Where did you grow up? Who was your family? Talk to me.”

            Credence eyed Mr. Graves carefully, watched as he leaned forward, seemingly eager to hear all about Credence and his life.

            “There isn’t much to tell. I’m 23, I grew up in East New York in a… very strict church. I was adopted when I was very young, but I don’t remember what life was like before my mother. Mary Lou was… a force all on her own. She never married so I didn’t know what it was like to have a father. Well, unless you count our heavenly father.” Credence said and both he and Mr. Graves laughed a little. “I moved out when I was 18 and luckily found a place in this area. Um, I live alone, always have. Well, unless you would call a cat a roommate, but Salem isn’t very talkative. Nor does he pay the bills, but he’s good company.”

            “You have a cat? I wouldn’t have thought you a pet person.” Mr. Graves said, taking a sip from his own drink.

            “Really? I love animals. I even take pictures for the local animal shelter and upload them to my blog so they’ll get adopted quicker. Fantastic Pets, it’s where I got Salem.”

            “The shelter is called Fantastic Pets? Who runs the place, Willy Wonka?”

            “No, no,” laughed Credence, though he could imagine his friend dressed up in a ridiculous purple suit and top hat. “When I was first looking for work, I went around the neighborhood and found this shelter. There was this really shy guy, Newt, who let me work there for a time. Eventually, I came up with the idea of starting a blog and advertising the animals. Newt was so grateful that a few more people were coming in and adopting that he practically gave me Salem. I’ve had him for about four years now.”

            “That’s… really touching.” Mr. Graves replied.

            Credence just shrugged and there was a lull in conversation as the waitress brought their food and they began to eat. Though, Credence almost choked on his own burger when Mr. Graves started cutting and eating his with a knife and fork.

            “Are you insane?” he exclaimed, watching in disbelief as Mr. Graves ate like a man with a little too much dignity on his shoulders.

            “It’s a lot less messy this way.” He said, spearing one of his fries on his fork and dipping it in ketchup.

            Credence was unsure about that, but shook his head and tore into his own burger with a renewed fierceness.

            “May I ask something?” Mr. Graves inquired.

            “Sure.”

            “You said you moved out, but you also said you were from a very strict church. Was your leaving voluntary?”

            Credence swallowed whatever was in his mouth and slowly put his burger down. He’d been afraid of this topic coming up, but it had been a while and certain pains had dulled over the years. Nibbling on a fry, he gave a condensed version of the tale.

            “I wasn’t… a normal kid. I think my mother knew that. But she kept me in line by sending me to the strictest Catholic boarding school. Anytime I was at home was spent in prayer and in the church my mother ran. She built that place herself. That’s what she used to tell me anyway. She used to say that anyone that didn’t appreciate an act of faith that big was a sinner and they deserved to burn in hell.

            “Anyway, one day she… she found out I had been breaking her rules while attending the boarding school. We got into this huge fight and she told me to repent, to take back my evil ways and both she and God would take me back with loving arms.” Credence snorted. “My mother was anything but loving. She was a stone gargoyle wearing a human mask. No one else saw the real her besides me and my sisters.”

            “You have sisters?”

            “Yes, but we haven’t spoken since I left. My mother forbids it and while one is too young to leave, the other is perfectly content to live in my mother’s world.”

            ”Jesus, I’m sorry.” Mr. Graves whispered out, his wrists resting limply against the table’s edge.

            “Oh, I’m sure Jesus is sorry too. A woman like that working under His name? A shame really.” Credence responded, picking his burger back up and taking another bite. Bacon grease helped to push back his demons.

            “I’m guessing you’re pretty anti-religion now.”

            “Oh… not necessarily. People can worship how they please. And while I don’t follow any particular way of faith, I do feel like there’s something out there bigger than myself. Fate, God, who knows?”

            Mr. Graves stared at him and Credence felt his blush returning. He knew most of what he said had sounded silly, he was still young and older people tended to always give him scathing remarks about his beliefs. His mother sure had.

            “You know,” Mr. Graves began and Credence stared intensely at his fries, wishing they would jump up from the plate and start dancing. Anything to distract from this awful pause. “You’re very eloquently spoken, Credence. You’re defying all my expectations.”

            “What _did_ you expect?” Credence mumbled into his fries, purposefully not looking at Mr. Graves.

            “I guess… I don’t know.” Mr. Graves finished lamely.

            “Thanks?” Credence said, looking up hesitantly at the man across from him. He was staring at Credence with an expression that seemed a lot like adoration. It made Credence’s face feel like he was in front of an oven. “Are other strangers from parks this confusing?” He said, clearing his throat and trying to move past the awkward moment.

            “Uh, no,” Mr. Graves said, apparently pulling himself out of his head. “Usually, everyone is really easy to read. You’ve got the single mothers, the angry teens, the know-it-all college kids, and even the professors who are just tired of the world. I’ve never met anyone like you. You seem quiet, but you’ve got a lot to say. And I don’t think you’ve said it all.”

            “That would be a bit much for one conversation, wouldn’t it?”

            “Yeah.” He laughed and cut another portion of his burger. “I was wondering though, you said you weren’t a normal child. What does that mean exactly? Were you a little slow in school maybe? Overly active?”

            “Uh, no. I just…” Credence wasn’t sure what to tell him. He hated coming out to people, especially strangers, they hardly ever understood anything he said. The sympathetic yet pitiful looks, the immediate need to know his birth name and the confusion around his sexuality. It was tiring. “I had a predisposition towards men.”

            It wasn’t exactly a lie because he _was_ gay, he just left out the part where his disposition also meant that he had always known he was supposed to be a boy. Sometimes, if he thinks hard enough, he can still feel he belt stinging his back after Mary Lou found him at five years old with his shirt off outside playing alongside some local church boys.

            “I see.” Mr. Graves said, setting his knife and fork down. “How did she find out? Did someone tell her?”

            “Yes. On the weekends we were allowed to go to the local town, just to hang out or buy anything we needed. Unbeknownst to me, one of the nuns from the school was also out. She saw me and reported it to my mother. She confronted me when I came home from my final semester. It wasn’t a very pretty confrontation.”

            “Did you have any place to stay when you left?”

            “No, I spent that first night at a park. The next day I went searching around the city and found a shelter for young adults in my position. They let me stay a couple of months, just until I saved up enough money for a place of my own. It was tough but, I pushed through.”

            “I can’t imagine what it must have been like.” Mr. Graves replied, compassion shining in his eyes.

            Credence shrugged, he did not mourn his past any longer. Mary Lou made it easy to forget and the only thing he ever missed now was his sister, Modesty.

They finished their lunch in a companionable silence. Credence wondering about his outwardly apathetic façade and Mr. Graves pulling his phone out and taking notes on his next piece while occasionally glancing at Credence who was staring out the diner window passively.

            Mr. Graves paid for their meals and Credence thanked him, unsure about what would happen next. He’d never said good-bye to someone he’d only just met, he wasn’t even sure if they would ever meet again. He liked Mr. Graves, liked the way he could have an easy conversation with him. They stood on the sidewalk outside the burger shop. Credence fiddled with his camera strap and Mr. Graves set up a ride for an Uber, presumably back to his home or office.

            Mr. Graves slipped his phone back in his pocket, and within two minutes, a car pulled up. Credence turned to the man next to him and held his hand out.

            “Thank you. For talking to me. It was… unlike anything I’d ever experienced.”

            “It was my pleasure, Credence.” Mr. Graves said, smiling and taking his offered hand. “It was a refreshing conversation, a little morose in the end, but fascinating all the same. I’m glad you took those pictures of me in the first place.”

            They both laughed and stared at each other before Credence finally took his hand back and turned to walk away.

            “Credence, wait,” Mr. Graves said, catching him by the shoulder. “Listen, I don’t normally do this, but I’d really like to see you again. I sort of feel sorry that you spilled your life story and you barely know my name. Only if that’s all right with you, of course.”

            Credence looked at Mr. Graves, contemplating the warm hand still on his shoulder. It wouldn’t be a horrible thing, to see the older man again. He was extremely nice and Credence _had_ been the one to share more of himself than he cared to admit. Another friend couldn’t really hurt his life at this point.

            “I think that would be just fine, Mr. Graves.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to chapter two!! I hope you enjoy!  
> Apologies in advance because this chapter contains a short 'news article' and I am not at all a journalist lol  
> This work has not been edited by a beta, any mistakes are my own.

_Isn't it nice to find yourself somewhere different,_

_Whoa, why don't you let yourself just be wherever you are_

_Look at this place, look at your faces_

_I've never seen you look like this before_

_-Steven Universe, “Be Wherever You Are”_

*.*.*

            It had been a week since Credence had last seen the man from the park. Percival Graves. The name was a mystery all on its own. He would never admit it out loud, but there had been a few times where he had caught himself saying the name just to hear it again. It was enticing. It was a name that sounded methodically masculine and steeped in family history. Credence’s own birth name had been chosen as a way to please the Lord. In fact, his mother had had such a tight hold on him, that when he had rechristened himself, he had chosen Credence to spite her.

            He sat in the computer lab of the public library near his apartment complex. The photos he had taken of Mr. Graves were open on an editing software he had absolutely totally not illegally downloaded. He was fiddling around with a blurring effect when his phone buzzed softly. Expecting an app notification, he was pleasantly startled to find a text from Mr. Graves.

They had exchanged phone numbers after their spontaneous decision to stay in contact. Credence, too scared to initiate contact, had not texted anything that whole week. He had been more focused on work and getting the photos of the older man just right so he could surprise him with a few copies. Perhaps even have them be so good, Mr. Graves might switch them out for the sorry excuse he called a headshot. God help the photographer that taken _that_ picture.

The text was simple.

_- **Wondering if I could have your email. I want to send you the final draft of this week’s column.**_

Credence smiled at his phone, attaching his email and a little message of his own.

- _Don’t you guys have editors for these things??_

_- **Haha they’re all out to lunch, wouldn’t trust anyone else but you**_

He let out a small laugh at this. There was no denying that Mr. Graves was a massive flirt, but Credence still had no idea how to react to it. He was not well versed in the art of responding appropriately.

He opened his email on the computer, trashed a few junk emails and opened the document Mr. Graves had attached.

*.*.*   

 

_Last Friday I had the pleasure of talking to a refreshing soul, a young man by the name of Credence. The circumstances by which we met were a bit funny actually. I caught him taking my picture from the across the park, the flare from his lens nearly blinding me. He was certainly apologetic about the situation and after seeing the photos, they were so well taken that I instantly forgave him. We talked over bacon cheeseburgers at a small joint called Bill’s All-American Burgers, which I would recommend to anyone who isn’t vegan or vegetarian._

_He told me about his hardships growing up, about having to leave home while he was still young. I think it was a testament to his mental strength that he didn’t seem fazed by his past in the least. As my regular readers will recall, I too, left home when I was still young. Though my own response was much more negative than that of our young friend Credence. He seemed relatively calm about the whole circumstance and when questioned further gave some horrifying details about his leaving. Without divulging too much about his personal life, I’ll just say that sometimes parents are not meant to have children._

_Readers, I ask you now to go home and love your own children. Love them despite their differences and similarities. Tell them they are perfect the way they were born. Call the ones who are away and tell them they are welcome home any time they please. Send a prayer to whatever God you believe in to keep these children safe. That they may flourish as they grow._

_Children are the future. And what future are we to have if we abandon our children?_

*.*.*

Credence sat stunned for a few minutes. The article was certainly emotion inducing, he was sure it do well with the newspaper’s readers. But the fact that Mr. Graves had gotten all that from a conversation with him? It was absolutely baffling. While Newt had been extremely sympathetic about his situation and had helped him out as much as he possibly could, he had never sounded angry about the circumstances. But then again, Newt was never angry about anything in particular.

He unlocked his phone and sent a small message.

- _Thank you, I’m sure your readers will love it_

_- **I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure how you would feel about it. I didn’t go too far, did I?**_

_-Not at all, it’s perfect_

And then a second text in quick succession

- _I wasn’t sure what I was expecting either_

_- **They don’t call me unpredictable for nothing ;)**_

Credence stifled a laugh into the sleeve of his hoodie and had to work on controlling his breathing when the second text from Mr. Graves came in.

- ** _Would you like to have lunch again?_**

__He glanced up at the computer, the program which held his photos of Mr. Graves was still open. Yes, he might be able to get them done pretty soon.

_-I’m a bit busy at the moment, how does dinner sound instead?_

_- **Perfect! Be ready by 7, I’ll see you then**_

_-Should I wear anything nice?_

_- **I think your face is nice enough**_

Credence immediately stuffed his phone in his hoodie pocket, his face coloring with embarrassment. Mr. Graves had flirted three times now, which was entirely more than he knew what to do with. Ignoring it sounded like a really nice option at the moment.

Shaking off his blush, he set his mind on putting the finishing touches on his editing.

*.*.*

            He stood outside his apartment complex in his nicest turtleneck sweater and black pants, a manila envelope with the final edited photos in his left hand. He desperately hoped Mr. Graves would like them. He had not given photos as a gift since Newt had let him have Salem.

            He shivered in the cool night air and as if on cue, a sleek black car pulled up. Credence wondered just what else Mr. Graves did to afford such a luxury. He was not so certain that writing a small newspaper article every week granted one enough money for what looked like a BMW.

            The car was warm as he slid in and Mr. Graves’ brilliant smile made the atmosphere feel like a sauna.

            “Evening, Credence,” Mr. Graves said, putting the car in park and turning slightly in his seat. “It’s nice to see you again, I missed you this past week.”

            Credence let out a nervous laugh. “I hardly think we know each other enough for you to miss me.”

            “Well then, we’ll just have to remedy that over dinner, won’t we?” Mr. Graves remarked looking entirely unfazed with his comment. “What’s in the envelope?”

            “Oh, it’s a thank you gift, for talking to me and not making me delete the photos I took.”  He said and handed the finished photos over.

            Mr. Graves opened the envelope and carefully slid out the first picture. A black and white close up of his face from the park, the suns ray shining down from the corner and giving him an almost angelic quality. Credence was quite proud of it, if he had owned a gallery, it would’ve been the first thing he hung up. The second photo was in color and it showed a Mr. Graves reading his newspaper, the rose bush framed perfectly behind him. And the third picture was simply the dog mid-sneeze. Mr. Graves chuckled and grinned at Credence.

            “These are… really beautiful. Thank you, Credence.” Mr. Graves said and carefully laid his hand on Credence’s shoulder in appreciation.

            Credence was not used to such displays of affection. His mother had never hugged him as a child and the only time he had ever voluntarily touched anyone was during mass at church while shaking hands during the sign of peace or when greeting people in general. Even now, he could feel the warmth of Mr. Graves’ palm through his sweater. He wondered if it was possible for someone to spontaneously combust.

            Mr. Graves removed his hand and carefully laid the envelope in the backseat, twisting his body to reach. His cologne wafted by Credence and he was sure that if he had not been sitting, his knees would have gone weak. God, he smelled like… like leather and sandalwood.

            “I hope you’re hungry,” Mr. Graves said, pulling Credence out from his senses. “I thought a nice sushi place would be good for dinner. If that’s okay with you?”

            “Sushi’s perfect.” He practically croaked out. When had his throat gotten so dry?

            “Great.” Mr. Graves replied and put the car in drive, slowly pulling away from the curb. “So, I know when we talked, it was mainly about you. Was there anything you wanted to know?”

            Credence pondered for a few moments before remembering something he’d read in the article earlier. “In your article, you mentioned you left home at an early age too. What happened?”

            “Ah, now that’s a story. Basically, I was a bit of a rebel. Imagine me with less wrinkles, longer hair and a ridiculous eyebrow piercing. I thought I owned the world then. Anyway, it was about a week before my twentieth birthday and I got absolutely hammered. I ended up stealing my dad’s car and wrecking the thing. Mind you, I’d done stupid shit before. My parents’ punishments usually consisted of manual labor around the house or no allowances. Petty stuff, you know? But that time, that time was really different.”

            Mr. Graves was quiet for a few seconds before continuing. Credence could only guess where his tale was going.

            “When I wrecked my dad’s car, I didn’t just crash it into a tree or some pole. I hit another car. A car that had a mother and a father and their two-year old kid. The mother got sent to the hospital with a broken leg and the dad ended up with a bad concussion.”

            Another beat of silence. “And the kid?” Credence asked quietly.

            “The kid walked away without a scratch. Miracle, it was. I got toted off to jail with a few bumps and bruises, but that was it. Afterwards, I thought I would get to go home. I thought a night in jail was my punishment, but my parents left me in there for a week. I was devastated. I turned twenty in jail, sober and alone. Everything I knew was being put into question. The judge sentenced me to a year in jail. My dad came and visited me; told me I wasn’t welcome back home until I could get my act together.

            “After I got out, they paid for the shittiest apartment they could find and told me I was free to stay there as long as I stayed sober, got a job, and started doing something decent with my life.”

            “And now you’re here.” Credence said, staring out the window at the passing scenery.

            “And now I’m here.” Mr. Graves repeated. “It wasn’t easy. There were times when I wanted nothing more than to call up my old friends and have a good time. But then I would remember that little boy and how his life had been in my hands and how I’d nearly ended it.”

            Mr. Graves pulled into a parking lot then, a small neon sign reading _Nama Ramen._ It was squashed between a liquor store and a pet grooming business. But the atmosphere was electric, like people came here for good memories only.

            “I hope you aren’t too ashamed of me, Credence.”

            “Of course not.” Credence replied, tearing his eyes away from the restaurant front and looking at a slightly green Mr. Graves. “I mean, it was a horrible event that happened, but sometimes the worst things lead us down the better roads.”

            “Do you really believe that, Credence?” Mr. Graves remarked, echoing Credence’s own words from the week before.

            “Well, not entirely, if I’m being completely honest, but it sounded like something intelligent to say.” Credence grinned and Mr. Graves returned his sentiment before heaving a big sigh.

            “Let’s go eat.”

*.*.*

            The restaurant was dimly lit, two-person tables scattered around the edge close to the walls and the bigger tables squashed in the center. It was an extremely cozy environment, most of the patrons laughing and talking, the low buzz of conversation adding to the atmosphere. Their waiter was a portly Asian-American, smiling at them but looking like he had twelve other things to do. They both ordered a water and Credence spent the next five minutes asking Mr. Graves about the sushi they should get.

            The conversation flowed more naturally than Credence thought it would and when the waiter finally took their order, Credence now knew that Mr. Graves was forty-four and that the car had, funnily enough, been given to him on his fortieth birthday by his father. He learned that writing articles for the newspaper was not all that Mr. Graves did, he was also a partner in his father’s business alongside his brother. Credence even gathered up the nerve to ask him about his accent and Mr. Graves laughed and told him he had lived in Ireland until he was fifteen and then his father had decided to take his business to America.

            In turn, Credence told Mr. Graves more about himself. He told him his favorite genre of music was jazz, and he sometimes listened to it on a record player he had salvaged from a thrift shop. He admitted that his favorite color was yellow, but that he most often wore black for conveniences sake. After the sushi came, he talked about the few friends he had.

            Newt down at the pet shelter who had in turned introduced him to Newt’s now girlfriend, Tina, who was a brilliant lawyer. There was also a nice man named Jacob who worked at a local bakery and whose chocolate éclairs Credence was entirely too fond of. He also told him about Salem and his nuances, that he’d never seen a cat act so much like a human sometimes.

            “And what about a boyfriend, if you don’t mind me asking?” Mr. Graves said suddenly and Credence almost choked on his ninja roll.

            “Um, no that’s all right. I don’t have one currently. I, uh…” He stumbled over his words, he did not know how to admit that he’d never properly dated anyone before. “It’s not really my thing, I suppose.”

            That last part was a lie. If the Heavens had opened up right then, in the middle in the sushi restaurant and God asked him what he wanted most, he would’ve answered romantic companionship. But it was hard for Credence to get close to anyone in that way, let alone pluck up the courage to date another man.

            “I mean, there were… girls in elementary school,” Credence sputtered again, “But you know, I don’t think that counts, because we were so young and everything.”

            “Hey, I understand. We all have our preferences.” Mr. Graves said, finishing the last of his sushi.

            Credence was quiet, concentrating on using his chopsticks again, the warm atmosphere not gone but dulled. Unsuspected, Mr. Graves was staring at him, brows furrowed giving him the look of trying to work out a very difficult math problem.

            “Would you like to do anything else?” Mr. Graves asked once Credence had successfully picked up his sushi.

            “What do you mean?”

            “Well, it’s still early, we could, maybe catch a movie if you’re agreeable. Or maybe just take a walk.”

            “Would this walk involve you stashing my body somewhere no one would be able to find it?” Credence asked, clearly joking.

            Mr. Graves laughed. “If that’s what you’re into.”

            Credence snorted and shook his head. “Actually, there is this spot I found one time. I thought it was a shame no else was there to see it with me. You game?”

*.*.*

            Credence gave Mr. Graves directions and they drove in silence for the most part. He had him park in a slot in the trees and Credence led him through the thick foliage. Mr. Graves almost tripped behind him and he grabbed his hand in an attempt to stabilize himself. Credence didn’t say anything, but continued to hold his hand for the next few minutes. When they got to the clearing, he dropped it and slid his hands into his pockets, the burn from Mr. Graves’ influence still lingering.

            “Good God.” Mr. Graves burst out and Credence hummed in agreement.

            The clearing was not huge, maybe the size of a football field, but it was sprinkled with wild flowers which even in the darkness looked magnificent.

            “I haven’t seen so many stars in one place in quite some time.” Mr. Graves said, his head leaning back to examine the night sky.

            “C’mon,” Credence gestured with a soft laugh. They walked for about twenty-five yards before Credence stopped and immediately laid down in a patch of lush grass.

            “Credence?”

            “This is a lot easier than giving yourself a crick in the neck.” Credence explained and pointed to the spot to the left of him. “If you don’t mind grass on your sweater.”

            And even from his position on the ground, Credence could see Mr. Graves give a playful scowl. “’Course not.”

            Mr. Graves and Credence lay side by side, the cool night air surrounding them. Credence had his hands folded on his chest while Mr. Graves lay with his head on his left hand, his right resting in the grass.

            “How did you ever find this place?” Mr. Graves asked.

            “Another one of those happy accidents. I was just exploring one day and I stumbled across it. There was a family having a picnic that day and I hid in the trees and took a few photos of them. They looked content too. The mom and dad were on a blanket and the two kids were kicking a ball around. It was like something straight out of a magazine.”

            Mr. Graves hummed thoughtfully and Credence closed his eyes, soaking in his surroundings. He hadn’t felt at peace like this since his first night in an actual apartment. And it was quiet too, the trees surrounding them creating a barrier from the city night life. Not for the first time, Credence wished every day could be like this. Dinner with a friend, a nice night out; this was the ultimate life.

            For a minute, he was eighteen again, blowing out a birthday candle stuffed in a Hostess cupcake, closing his eyes and wishing that he would stop being so lonely. He’d gained so much since then and this budding friendship with Mr. Graves just added to his overflowing cup. He just hoped Mr. Graves would stay his friend once his secret eventually came out.

            He sat up suddenly, his hands gripping the grass as he stared ahead, should he tell him now?

            “Mr. Graves?”

            “Credence?” He responded, sitting up as well.

            “We’re friends now, right?”

            “I would hope so. Why do you ask?”

            “It’s just… I,” Credence struggled for his words yet again, maybe it was too soon. “I was wondering if maybe I could text you to meet up in the park again when I’m taking pictures.” He finished, the other words he was thinking about saying dying in the pit of his stomach.

            “I’d really like that, Credence.”

            He nodded and then slowly got up. “We should probably get going. I have work tomorrow morning.”

            “Yeah, of course.” Mr. Graves said and extended a hand towards Credence. “Help an old man up?”

            Credence laughed and gripped Mr. Graves’ forearm, pulling him up. “You’re not that old.”

            “No? I’m flattered.” He grinned and dusted his sweater of any grass.

            The walked side by side back to the trees and once again, Mr. Graves took his hand to get through the foliage. Their fingers were not interlocked, but Credence was glad for the cover of darkness because he was pretty sure his face was beet red. He told himself it was because he’d never really held anyone’s hand before and that was it.

            Mr. Graves drove him home with the radio playing softly, before he knew it, he felt his eyes closing of their own accord. He only opened them again when he felt something soft touching the side of his head.

            “Credence? You’re home.”

            “Hmm, sorry, I’m awake.” Mr. Graves’ hand left his head and he rubbed his eyes before smiling at the older man. “Thanks for dinner. I had a lovely time.”

            “Hey, it was no problem, it was nice seeing you again.”

            “Yeah, it was nice to see you too. Good night, Mr. Graves.”

            “Good night, Credence.”

*.*.*

            _Credence is dreaming. He is back in the field and Mr. Graves is next to him. They are not talking, but he can feel himself smiling. He looks back at Mr. Graves as the older man extends his arm towards his face. His hand grips his neck and as Credence looks closer, he sees Mr. Graves’ eyes are two different colors. Just like his father._

_“Mr. Graves?” He hears himself say and the imposter grins wolfishly back at him._

_“I know your secret. You can’t hide from me.” The fake Mr. Graves suddenly has pale blonde hair and Credence tries to scramble away, but his father has a tight hold on him._

_“Poor pretty thing. Look at you trying so hard to be a man.” His father says._

_“Stop it! You’re dead! Leave me alone!”_

_“What’s your precious boyfriend going to think when he finds out you’re a freak?”_

_The hand around his throat is growing tighter and without thinking, Credence closes his eyes and wishes he were somewhere else. Anywhere else. He feels a yank in his navel and the sensation of floating. He is going upwards, but he does not know where. He opens his eyes and he is back at his old home._

_The rickety two-story is bigger than he remembers. The front door opens at his touch. It is seemingly empty. Everything in its place, just like when he was eighteen. He finds himself upstairs, in his old bedroom. He does not like the feeling of being here, but the bathroom door is slightly ajar and it is calling him to it._

_The bathroom is neat and empty as he stands in front of the sink and looks in the mirror. The person looking back is not him. He closes his eyes again and when he opens them, the long haired individual is gone. His reflection looks hazy in this dream state and he leaves the mirror to explore the rest of the house._

_It is eerily quiet as he enters the living room. There is no television, only an empty fireplace with a likeness of Jesus Christ perched on top. A woman is kneeling, her hands folded on her lap as she prays fervently. There is another body in the room, laying in front of her as the fireplace is suddenly alight._

_“Fire. A fitting punishment for an abomination.” His mother says and pushes the body into the fireplace._

_Credence feels incredible heat and because it is a dream, it does not hurt. But the uncomfortableness gets to him and soon he is screaming. He is screaming. He is screaming. He is screaming._

*.*.*

            Credence bolted awake drenched in sweat. He was tangled in his comforter and the alarm clock read sometime past four in the morning. There was no use in trying to get anymore sleep. Salem blinked drowsily back at him from his position at the foot of the bed and Credence shushed him as he got up to take an early shower.

            He hated dreaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Graves is head-canoned as Irish in this story, Colin's accent just... well anyway  
> - _Bob's All-American Burgers_ is, of course, a made up name for a restaurant. Any similarities with an actual restaurant are coincidental.  
> - _Nama Ramen_ however, is an actual place that exists, though it does not reside in New York.  
> -A ninja roll is a three-layer shrimp tempura, topped with snow crab, then topped with fresh tuna and avocado, drizzled with eel sauce, and garnished with toasted sesame seeds. It makes me want to do sinful things.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to call this one "Spot the Reference"  
> It is shorter than the other two so I'm posting early. Also, I'm two chapters ahead so yay me!

_Hey mom, I met a boy_

_He plays guitar_

_He likes Quentin Tarantino_

_And really sad songs_

_-Willow, “Boy”_

*.*.*

            Percy Graves the boy had been someone that had gotten anything he wanted and had taken it all for granted. Percival Graves the man was someone who counted every blessing he encountered and who knew the value of all good things.

            There were a number of little things he was thankful for. Like having his father still in his life after all the wrong he had done in his youth and he was thankful for cleaning his act up before his mother passed when he was twenty-seven. He was thankful that he got to do something he loved, instead of being confined to a nine-to-five back breaking job. He was especially grateful that he had not died that day when he had nearly taken three other people’s lives.

            But most recently, he found himself grateful for Credence Barebone.

            Credence, who had stumbled into his life and who seemed like a genuinely, pure soul. Credence, with his wild curls which fell around his face and made him seem all too much like some kind of overgrown cherub angel. Credence, with his rare, blinding smile.

            When they met, Graves had not counted on keeping that young mystery man in his life before interviewing him for his article. But after hearing his story, there was no way he was going to let him go. Graves knew what happened when you let a good thing go. Seraphina had been a perfect example of that.

            He was not entirely surprised that Credence had not contacted him that week after their initial meeting. He struck Graves as a very hesitant individual and Graves aimed to help him with that.

            So he had shown him the article. He had originally wanted to wait until the newspaper had printed, but the excitement behind wanting to know Credence’s reaction was too much. And when Credence had replied with a ‘thank you’, Graves had had to calm his impulse of punching the air.

            He did not know what it was about him that made him feel… utterly electric.

            When he had been younger, Graves had oozed popularity and confidence. Girls and boys had practically lined up to his doorstep just to spend one night with Percy Graves. And he’d obliged a good number of them. Pickiness was not something that appeared often in his youth.

            But if growing up had taught him anything, and it definitely taught him quite a few things, he had learned the value of letting only those who were true of heart in and letting them stay. He felt for certain, Credence was one of these people.

            Feeling nineteen again, he invited Credence out to lunch and was pleasantly amazed after Credence had suggested dinner instead. It was like thinking you had found a quarter on the street and realizing there was a twenty-dollar bill right next to it.

            And so he had worn one of his nicest cardigans and drove to the address Credence had given him. He had had to quell his utter enthusiasm at receiving the portraits of himself and that funny sneezing dog. He had told Credence they had been beautiful, but in reality, he didn’t think anything could ever compare.

            Dinner had been spectacular, the sushi amazing and the sight of Credence’s face throughout it all had been the icing on the cake. And when they had finished their meal, he hadn’t wanted it to end. He had casually suggested a walk or a movie and had been delighted when Credence had wanted to show him his mystery spot.

            The meadow had been an enigma. The wild flowers spread throughout, the stars scattered above them and the absolute quiet had taken Graves back to his boyhood days in Ireland. His heart had ached for his old home in that moment.

            They had lain in the grass and though Graves was usually a talkative man, the silence between them had been comfortable. He thought to a few minutes earlier when he had grabbed Credence’s hand out of pure clumsiness. It had been soft but warm, and the last hand he had held had been Seraphina’s.

            As old as he was, he knew the beginnings of romantic interest. But he also suspected Credence was quite oblivious to those kinds of things. Graves could bide his time.

*.*.*

            They had lunch again a few days later, Credence showing him the café where he worked. They talked about Graves’ role in working for his father in more detail and begrudgingly, Graves talked about his brother, Damien, who was five years younger than he was.

            He was relieved when he told Credence about his mother passing and the younger man only gave some sympathetic nods and a word of apology. The lack of pity in Credence’s demeanor made him feel almost normal about the situation.

            A week later, they met up in Central Park. They took Graves’ car and he kept Credence entertained by making up ridiculous poems about the passing scenery. Credence’s laugh was starting to sound like music to his ears.

            He committed that moment to memory then, Credence laughing and looking at him from across the front seat. The brilliant New York light outlining his face and furthering Graves’ thoughts on Credence being an angel. It seemed impossible that he would ever forget that.

            In the park, Credence once again got him to lay in the grass as he aimed his camera towards the sky and took pictures of seemingly nothing.

            “What do you see when you take pictures of the sky?” He asked.

            “What do you mean?” Credence replied, still snapping away.

            “I mean, no offense, but all I see is blue. A few clouds here and there, a bird flying. I guess I just don’t see how that could be art.”

            “Well…” Credence began and turned his head in the grass to look at Graves. “Perhaps that’s the problem. Maybe we’re so busy looking for only the beautiful and aesthetically pleasing things, we forget the existence of anything else.”

            “Possibly so.”

            “Like those rats in the city Subway.” Credence continued. “I was thinking of adopting one actually. I might name it something cool like Abernathy or Bone-Smasher.”

            Graves pushed himself into a sitting position and stared at Credence. “You’re absolutely mad, you know that?”

            “Yeah, but you like it.” Credence said and the look on his face seemed to say that he understood the implications of what he had said and quickly hid his face behind his camera once again.

            Graves just shook his head and smiled.

*.*.*

            Seeing a movie had been an accident really. Graves had invited Credence to a nighttime stroll through a park when the rain accosted them. They had rushed back to Graves’ car and Credence fervently apologized for getting his seats wet. Graves waved it off, seats could be replaced. Time with Credence could not.

            “Would you like to see a movie instead?” He asked, running his fingers through his damp hair.

            “What would we see?”

            “Oh, anything you like. I’ll let you choose, I’m not particular.”

            Credence seemed to think for a minute, the only sound to be heard was a light patter of rain against the car.

            “There’s a new horror movie out that looks cool, I don’t know if you’re into that kind of thing.”

            If he were being honest and if it were any other person, Graves would have declined. Horror movies were his one major no-go. But looking over at Credence, with his damp hair and face that made him think sinful thoughts; Graves knew there was no denying him.

            They drove to the first movie theater they found in the area, Graves blasting the heat to speed up their drying process. The lobby of the theater was not empty but nor was it particularly full. A few families milled around, along with a couple talking at the bar and a group of what looked like schoolmates.

            Credence insisted on buying their tickets and so Graves bought the biggest bucket of popcorn and two drinks for the two of them to share.

            The previews were still playing when they walked in and the only other people in the room were the group of schoolmates that had settled themselves in the back row. Graves sat him and Credence right in the middle and almost immediately began shoveling popcorn into his mouth so he could have something to do with his hands.

            “Scared, Graves?” Credence whispered.

            “You wish.” Graves whispered back as the opening credits started rolling.

            The movie gave the illusion of being pleasant. A nice family moving into a new house with their cat. Even with the spooky music, Graves was able to minimally relax and enjoy the plot. That is, until the children with terrifying masks resembling animals showed up.

            At one point, Graves fell for a jump scare and tried to cover it up by saying there was a bug. Credence hid his laughter behind his hand and by the end, Graves had never been happier to see the dim lighting of a theater hallway.

            “I can’t believe you fell for that jump scare, I saw it coming from a mile away.” Credence said as they lingered in front of some quarter gumball machines.

            “You clearly need you eyesight checked. I told you there was a spider on my leg.” Graves responded and bumped Credence’s shoulder.

            They smiled at each other and for one wild moment, Graves wanted nothing more than to kiss Credence, right there in the middle of the movie theater. But Credence turned away and stared at the gumball machines.

            “You know, I never got to buy these as a kid. Better late than never, I suppose.” He said as he rummaged through his pants pocket and came up with two quarters.

            Graves swallowed his growing attraction and watched in amusement as Credence opened the toy capsule that dropped out of the machine.

            “Huh, it’s a tiny Batman. I’ve personally always been more into Flash, but I can’t complain.” He stared at the figurine before turning and holding it out to Graves. “Here, a souvenir. From our… adventure.”

            “Ah, Credence, I can’t…”

            “Please, take it. As something to remember me by.”

            Graves reluctantly took the figure, their fingers brushing and Graves swore he saw Credence rub his fingers before putting them in his pockets. The tiny Batman was standing stiffly, his arms crossed and hidden in the folds of his plastic cape. A scowl on his face and his feet attached to a rubber stand so he could be propped up somewhere.

            “Why do you think he always looks so grumpy?” Graves asked, squinting at the miniature vigilante as they made their way to the exit.

            “He’s an orphan.” Credence said blankly and Graves looked momentarily miffed before Credence let out a short laugh.

            “You think you’re funny, do you?” Graves said as he slipped the Batman into his pocket and they left the building.

            They continued bantering as Graves took Credence home and as he lay down to sleep that night, he was almost sure he could still see Credence’s smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually had another chapter three planned out, but it felt wrong for some reason so I took a U-Turn and wrote a different one from the perspective of Graves. It didn't come easy, but I pushed through and this was the result. Hope you all are enjoying so far!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted Chapter 3 early so I'm posting Chapter 4 now to make up for time. Have no fear, Chapter 5 will be up on Friday as expected.  
> A small trigger warning because there is a flashback in which Credence is little and gets called by his birth name and his mother is not cruel but certainly not very nice.   
> Also, please forgive my tense shift. I have no idea why I write present day in past tense and the past in present tense. It makes no sense, but it's how my brain works so...  
> Enjoy and don't forget to comment!!

_You know that feeling when you're weak_

_And ya, wish your brain could delete for ya_

_All the types of twisted contradictions that I worked so hard to lose_

_-Jacob Whitesides, “Ohio”_

*.*.*

            He has seen Graves three times in the past two weeks (and within that time has managed to drop calling him ‘mister’ altogether). Once for lunch, once in Central Park as Graves watched him take photos with reckless abandon and once to see a movie together. They ended up seeing a horror film and Credence laughed at him when Graves fell for a jump scare and nearly upended their popcorn.

            And so, when he visits Newt at the shelter to take photos of some new animals, he walks in whistling. A cheery tune he has heard somewhere but can’t remember the name of.

            “Gosh, you’re quite chipper this afternoon.” Newt comments from his place at the front desk, a pair of reading glasses perched on his nose. “You look like you hit the jackpot.”

            “Hmm? No, just having a good morning, that’s all.”

            Newt squints at him and shakes his head playfully, removing his glasses and tucking them into his flannel pocket. “C’mon, the new animals are in the back. We’ve actually got a reptile this time. A Jackson’s chameleon, tiny thing and only about a year old. His owner surrendered him and he’s been acclimating this past week. But he’s healthy now and ready to be adopted by someone who knows what they’re doing. There’s also a cat, goes by the name of, well, he doesn’t have a name yet but I’ve taken to calling him Darling. Poor thing was recovered from his deceased owner’s home. The authorities brought him here and he’s been holed up in his cage for two weeks. I’m actually thinking of holding off on him, he might need some time in a foster home until he’s ready to be adopted.”

            Newt prattled on as they walked to where he kept the exotic animals and Credence listened half-heartedly to his various animal trivia. Among the walls were many containers, some holding turtles and frogs and others holding species that Credence was pretty sure were illegal in the state of New York. From a tank that looked remarkably like a miniature rain forest, Newt pulled out a small green thing and held it in his palm.

            “Oh, he’s got horns.” Credence remarked.

            “Yes, that’s how we know he’s a male. There are some rare cases of females having horns, but I highly doubt that with this little guy.”

            “Will he need a mate?” Credence asked as he pointed his camera at Newt’s hand and began taking pictures.

            “Not necessarily. New York’s laws are quite finicky about reptile breeding, so I’d recommend anyone interested to just stay safe and keep him solitary. Besides, this breed of chameleon is apt be more stressed around others. Quite territorial they are.”

            “Noted,” He paused as Newt eased the creature back into his habitat. “Hey, Newt?”

            “Yes?”

            “Can I ask you something?”

            “Sure.”

            “If I happened to have made a new friend, when do you think would be a good time to tell them about… me?”

            “Well, when you feel comfortable with that person, I suppose. Why? Who did you meet?” Newt inquired.

            “Nobody, really. Well, a guy, but he’s older and like really rich and Irish and I don’t know. I tried once but I chickened out. What if he’s a bigot or some kind of creepy fetishist?” He answered and fiddled with his camera.

            “You told me when you first met me.”

            “Yeah, but that was because it was really obvious back then and I needed to make it clear who I was.” Credence sighed and waved it off. “Never mind, forget I asked. It was dumb of me.”

            “I don’t think anything you have to say is dumb, Credence.” Newt said softly and Credence nearly wept with gratitude.

            “You’re sweet, thank you. Tina’s lucky to have you, you know?” Credence remarked and Newt smiled softly. “How is Tina these days?”

            “Spectacular, thanks for asking.” Newt said as he started walking away from the exotic animal enclosures and towards the other side of the building where the cats were staying. “She’s actually trying to set her sister up on a date, but I dunno how well that’s going.”

            They continued catching up on conversation as Credence followed him through the building, taking pictures of anyone that was new.

The feline enclosure was a beautiful place, with a wide open window to let the cats bask in the sunlight. Tall scratching posts stood in three of the corners and climbing boards lined the walls, with cats of all ages and colors lounging about or interacting with each other. Against one wall stood a few cages meant for the cats that were more solitary in nature.

            Newt led him to a cage that held a magnificent white Persian, its piercing blue eyes glaring at them from the farthest corner of its enclosure.

            “Come now, Darling, I’ve brought a friend,” Newt whispered to the cat who in turn hissed at both of them. “Don’t be rude, Credence isn’t going to hurt anyone, and neither am I for that matter.”

            This did nothing for the cat who gave them a warning growl and another hiss. Newt let out a frustrated sigh and turned back to Credence.

            “That’s Darling, at this rate, he’ll be lucky to be adopted by Christmas.”

            “What a lovely present he’ll make.” Credence muttered, an idea already half forming in his head.

            “Thank you for coming again, I always appreciate the people who come in and say they found us from your blog.”

            “It’s no trouble, Newt. That’s what friends are for.” Credence smiled and made to leave, but he stopped when Newt softly called his name.

            “Credence. I know that I’m not very good with people, but if you need me, I’ll be there. As moral support, if you decide to tell your new friend.”

            Credence smiled widely and felt an overwhelming urge to hug his friend, but found himself not knowing how to initiate it. Instead, he settled for giving his shoulder an awkward pat.

            “I appreciate that more than you know. See you around, Newt.”

*.*.*

            Credence was back at his apartment, a bowl of cereal in front of him as he scrolled through his camera looking at all the recent animals. Salem was perched on the edge of his small kitchen table, twitching his tail and eyeing his bowl.

            “You’re not getting the milk.” Credence said, glancing at him.

            Salem merely blinked at him and settled into a cat loaf position, seemingly unbothered by his owner’s denial. Credence huffed out a laugh and put his camera down, his mind wandering.

            He thought about his dear friend Newt, who was entirely too sweet and just as awkward as he was. He had never expected Newt to be that understanding of his situation. In fact, there were times when he still didn’t understand how people ever acknowledged him at all. It was a testament to Mary Lou’s brainwashing, for it to still affect him now.

*.*.*

            _He is seven years old and his whole world consists of his big sister, his mother and the baby is his mother’s belly. His father is away, another training exercise that the Marines sent him on. He doesn’t mind, his father is more lenient than his ma, but sometimes he gets the feeling that his father looks at him more often these days._

_Halloween is just around the corner and it is all the other kids at school talk about. There are pumpkins and bats decorating every inch of their town, costumes displayed in store fronts and advertisements for candy in every drug store and shopping center._

_His mother is browsing the cleaning supplies at the super market one day, his sister dutifully right next to her holding a shopping list. As per usual, his eyes are wandering. From his sightline, he can spy the costume section and his eyes light up at a shiny witches dress and hat._

_“Mother, will we celebrate Halloween this year?”_

_“Don’t be ridiculous, Prudence. We’re going to attend mass just like last year.”_

_“But mother, I’d really like to be a witch this year. And all the other kids from school are going trick-or-treating and some of my friends say I can go with them and…”_

_“Enough!” His mother hisses out and he jumps at her sudden interruption. “No more talk of nonsense. Insolent child, must you always question everything?”_

_“I’m sorry, Ma.” He mumbles, staring down at his shoes. His mother huffs and turns back to the cleaning supplies and he asks no more questions._

_In the car, he and his sister sit in the back and he can practically hear her sneer at him. He has never known why she hates him so intensely. Perhaps it is because he is so disobedient and she despises that. He has no doubt she will be a formidable mother just like their own when she gets older._

_When they get home, Mary Lou makes him bring in all the bags by himself. Chastity watches him from the kitchen table, primly eating a chocolate pudding cup. He knows what comes next and without asking he walks to the living room where a corner of rice is set up for him. He hikes his skirt up and kneels on the rice, resisting the urge to wince. His mother walks up to him and hands him a soap bar._

_“Thirty minutes, then your shower and no dinner. Understood?”_

_He nods and bites down on the soap bar, the bitter aroma filling his mouth almost instantly. But he is used to this. This is what he gets for being a bad child and not knowing when to stop. His mother tells him he will always be a bad child. He will never learn. He will never…_

*.*.*

            He felt Salem head-butt him and he pulled himself out of his memories. He stared at his cat and realized with a start that Salem had stuck one of his back legs in his cereal bowl.

            “You did that on purpose, you know. You’re lucky the cereal has gone soggy.”

            He scowled playfully as Salem meowed indignantly at him and he washed his cat’s paw in the kitchen sink. Salem was quite good with water, Credence had never had any trouble with giving him a bath every now and again. In fact, he found it quite funny that Salem never complained much about anything. Newt certainly knew how to match personalities.

            He gave Salem’s leg a good pat down with the kitchen towel and set him back on the counter only to have him meow loudly and rub against him.

            “I’m fine. Thanks for bringing me back.” And the cat, seemingly satisfied, jumped from the counter to the kitchen table and began drinking the milk that had just held his foot. “Sometimes, I just don’t understand you.” Credence said frowning.

            The bowl made its way to the kitchen sink after he shooed Salem away from it. He stood there washing the dish, pondering about the last three weeks and smiled imagining the reaction Graves would have when he told him about Salem and the milk.

Conversation were different with Graves. While Newt had given him his start in the city, their talks these days mostly consisted of Newt’s animals, Tina and Credence’s blog. It wasn’t a bad thing necessarily, it was relaxing to talk to Newt. He did not have to exert himself or force a subject he was not interested in. Besides, Newt talked enough for both of them sometimes. The man could definitely ramble if given the chance.

And Jacob, the man from the bakery, helped with small talk. They talked about the weather, how Jacob wanted to eventually own his own bakery and Credence told him about Salem and how he eventually wanted to move out of the city. But Graves…

All of his talks with Graves were easier than Newt or Jacob. Graves made him laugh and he told him nice things and he _listened_ to Credence. He was not disgusted by the thought of touching Credence even if he never reciprocated. He had held his hand that day in the meadow and occasionally he would bump his shoulder and smile at Credence and even now, Credence remembered the warm hand on the side of his head just before Graves dropped him off.

“Oh.” Credence said with a sudden realization, practically dropping his cereal bowl and Salem gave chirp of acknowledgement. “Salem, I think I… I think,” But he could not finish the sentence out loud. His face was growing red with the implication of what this meant.

_I think I have a crush on Mr. Graves._

It was not terribly shocking. Graves was certainly a handsome man and Credence was sure he was not the only one to fall for the older man’s charm. But within a minute, his insecurities came crashing down on him and with it came the realization that Graves would probably never be with someone like him.

He was on the verge of putting himself through an anxiety attack, his breathing becoming heavier when his phone started ringing. He put his hands flat on the counter, controlling his breaths before answering the call. It was Newt.

“Hello?”

“Credence, hello!” Newt said cheerfully over the line. “I’ve got another favor to ask.”

“What is it?” Credence was skeptical, Newt hardly ever asked for anything.

“Listen, you know how I told you Tina was trying to get Queenie a boyfriend?”

“Yeah?”

“Right, so they’re supposed to meet at some party and Tina wants to drag me along, but you know parties aren’t really my thing. Could you maybe, come with? I dunno if you’re even off tonight and normally I’d decline a party, but Tina seemed rather excited to go and I really want to do this for her.”

Credence had never been to a party in his life. When he attended elementary, nobody had even invited him to a birthday celebration and his mother had forbade celebrating his own because she said it was devil worship. In a moment of youthful rebelliousness and an urge to help his friend, he heard himself say yes.

“Of course I’ll come.”

“Brilliant! Have you got a pen? I’ll give you the address.”

Credence dug around in a draw and found a pen and a pad and took down the address that Newt gave him.

“Hey, Newt?”

“Credence?”

“Do you think it would be all right if I brought someone else along?”

“I suppose, Tina didn’t say it was exclusive.”

“Cool.” Credence said, a smile on his face. “See you there, Newt.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know in canon Chastity is the middle child, but she worked better as the oldest in this story.  
> So yes, Credence has discovered he actually likes Graves, but it will take a few more chapters probably before he does anything about it. ;)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

_I just took a shot_

_Pretended that I’m not_

_Fazed by the sting_

_Like a broken heart_

_It hurts until it stops_

_And I kind of like the feeling_

_-Maris, “18 Forever”_

            The party was loud and there were people milling around with plastic cups and glass bottles. Jacob Kowalski, the man who worked at Credence’s favorite bakery was next to him as his guest. Newt spotted them from across the main room and gleefully waved at them.

            “Glad you found the place.” He half shouted as he walked up to them and Credence could tell Newt wasn’t into the party environment because he kept rubbing his hands together. “Is this your mystery man? He doesn’t look very Irish.”

            “Uh, no,” Credence laughed out and introduced them. “Newt, this is Jacob, he works at a bakery across town. Jacob, this is Newt, he gave me my first job at a pet shelter.”

            “Hiya,” Jacob said and extended his hand out. “Nice to meet another friend of Credence’s.”

            “Likewise.” Newt said and there was a bit of awkward silence that followed.

            Credence cleared his throat and gestured vaguely. “Is Tina around?”

            “Oh, yes! She’s in the kitchen, I think.” Newt said, glancing back from where he’d come. “I should probably offer you both drinks, I think that’s the proper thing to do at parties.”

            Credence and Jacob followed Newt through a crowd of people, party music pulsing throughout the atmosphere, loud and dance-inducing. All around them were couples and groups of individuals bopping their head along to the beat.

            The kitchen was less crowded, quieter too, the party’s music thumping ambiguously in the background. Only a couple of people were bartending and Tina was talking to one of them. She stopped and smiled at Credence when she caught his eye.

            “Cree! It’s good to see you!” She exclaimed and wrapped him in a warm hug. “Gosh, look at you. You’re entirely too skinny these days, you know that?”

            “It’s good to see you too, Tina.” He said and smiled back at her.

            “Would you like a drink? I’ll get you a drink.” She said and puttered around the kitchen dumping alcohol and soda in a plastic cup.

            “Sometimes she acts more motherly than I do.” Newt whispered to Credence and he laughed.

            The cup Tina handed him burned going down, he rarely indulged in drinking and he was sure he would get hammered faster than most at the party. But he took another sip and trusted that everything would be okay.

            He stood in the kitchen for a few minutes next to Newt and watched as Tina and Jacob took a shot of something clear and laughed together.

            “They seem to be getting on well.” Newt observed, a plain cup of orange juice in his hands.

            Credence hummed and took another sip of his own drink. “Where’s Queenie? Is she talking to that guy Tina set her up with?”

            “No, he actually bailed last minute. Queenie’s somewhere upstairs, dunno what she’s doing.” Newt explained and then slapped his knee with his free hand. “Speak of the devil, there she is.”

            Queenie practically floated into the kitchen, her blonde hair pulled back in a messy bun. She reminded Credence of some kind of river spirit and he had the vague impression that she always knew more about any situation than she was letting on.

            “Credence, sweetie, long time no see.” She said, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder.

            “Hey, Queenie.” He said smiling before he caught Jacob eyeballing her from behind her back. “Um, let me introduce you to my friend. Queenie, this is Jacob. He works at a bakery on…”

            “Broad Street.” Queenie finished, staring back at Jacob. “Gencarelli’s Bakery, right? You guys have the most wonderful cupcakes.”

            “Yes, mam.” Jacob answered, thoroughly flustered and Queenie gave a shy smile back. “It’s nice to finally meet you. If I would’ve known you were a friend of Credence’s I would’ve…”

            “Would’ve what?” Queenie asked, taking a step closer to Jacob.

            “Would’ve asked for your number.” Jacob finished, entirely cherry red now.

            Credence felt a tug on his sleeve, Newt was pulling him away. “Best leave those two to the rest of their conversation.” He said and Tina joined them as they regrouped in the main sitting room.

            Someone had set up a beer pong table and there were people hooting back and forth as something seemingly exciting happened. Credence wasn’t even sure what the rules for beer pong even were. But he sat on a rather worn leather sofa and watched as Tina convinced Newt to dance with her.

            He laughed a little and then startled as someone took a seat next to him. It was a boy around his age, with half his hair dyed platinum blonde and the other jet black. He had a septum piercing and his neck and arms were a mess of tattoos. His mother would have screamed at the boys’ nerve. Credence however, was thoroughly fascinated.

            “Are those your friends?” The boy asked, gesturing to a dancing Tina and a Newt that looked like he was seizing standing up.

            “Yes, they invited me, I hope that’s okay.”

            “Oh, dude, I don’t care,” The boy waved off, taking a generous gulp of whatever was in his cup. “It’s not my party anyway.”

            Credence nodded along and took another sip from his cup, he was starting to feel… weird.

            “I’m Jude, by the way. Nice to meet you.”

            “Credence.” He answered and stuck his hand out which the other boy promptly slapped and shook.

            “Rad name.”

            “Thank you, I chose it myself.” Credence said and immediately slapped his hand over his mouth. Jude just gave an appreciative laugh.

            “Hey man, we’re all cool here.”

            Credence gave a nervous smile and hid his face behind his cup, drowning his embarrassment in alcohol and warm soda.

            “What are you drinking anyway?”  Jude asked, inclining his head towards Credence’s cup.

            “I don’t know. Something with coke, I think.”

            Jude nodded his head and then got closer to Credence’s ear. “Listen, I was going to smoke a joint. Do you want to join me? The roof should be empty.”

            “Oh, uh, I’ve never…” Credence started hesitantly, it sounded enticing and as he glanced back at Tina and Newt who were now intertwined, slow-dancing to a fast song, he thought maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea after all. No doubt Jacob and Queenie were still flirting in the kitchen and he was alone with a boy his own age. Graves was somewhere in the city, probably dreaming about someone who was completely normal.

            With a determined nod, he got up from the couch and followed Jude through the house and up the stairs, making a stop in the kitchen to refill their cups. At the top of the townhome was a small attic space with a window leading to the roof. It was relatively easy to crawl through and Credence marveled at the view.

            The city always looked so different when you looked at it from above. The lights made it seem endless.

            “Beautiful, isn’t it?” Jude said, voicing Credence’s thoughts.

            “Yes.” Credence said simply and watched as Jude pulled out a joint from his pants pocket.

            “Have you lived in the city your whole life?” Jude asked.

            “Yes, it’s all I know. I can’t imagine living anywhere else.”

            “You’re one of the lucky ones.” Jude smiled and sat down, lighting his joint and gesturing Credence to join him. “I lived down south for most of mine.”

            “Really? You don’t sound southern.”

            Jude just laughed and inhaled some smoke, offering it to Credence. “Here, you ever smoked a cigarette before? It’s kind of like the same thing.”

            If Credence had very little familiarity with drinking, he had even less with smoking. The only smoking he had been around was when his father used to smoke a cigarette every now and then on the balcony when his mother was out running errands. Not exactly the best experience.

            But he took the skinny joint and put it took his lips and inhaled deeply. He was pretty sure his coughing could be heard all the way upstate.

            “Whoa there, buddy.” Jude said and slapped him on the back. “The coughing gets easier, don’t worry.”

            They passed the weed between themselves for a few minutes in silence, Jude making comments here and there and Credence staying quiet for the most part. He wasn’t even aware he was inebriated before he shifted his weight from his sitting position and felt positively wobbly.

            “Can I tell you something?” Credence said, turning to Jude who was finishing the last couple of hits from the joint. “I’ve never actually been drunk before.”

            “What a way to go, man.” Jude laughed. “On a New York rooftop with a complete stranger. How do you feel?”

            “Like my arms and my head aren’t attached to my body.” Credence said, giggling a little and Jude laughed again and threw an arm around his shoulders.

            “Enjoy it while it lasts, that’s the best state to be in.”

            Jude’s arm felt warm around his shoulder and he almost liked it. In fact, he almost felt normal, sitting there on the roof with a boy he had just shared some weed with, at a party where he was pleasantly buzzed. Why had he never done this before?

            He turned to Jude, ready to tell him that he was grateful to share this experience with him. But when he turned, Jude kissed him.

            With his senses slowed down, he didn’t pull away. Jude tasted like vodka and weed and Credence indulged him for a few minutes. The kissing wasn’t bad, but Credence felt like something was missing. There was no passion behind it, they were just two boys kissing on a rooftop. He had always imagined kissing would be something to make him feel like flying.

            He broke the kiss and took a few breaths, staring at the other boy.

            “Something wrong?” Jude asked.

            “I think my friends are probably looking for me.” He said resolutely.

            “Oh! I’m sorry, I guess I stole you for longer than expected.”

            Jude got up first and offered his hand to Credence, who accepted the help up. He felt slightly unsteady on his feet, but he avoided falling when they went back through the window.

            “Hey, listen,” Jude said and stopped him at the top of the staircase landing, the thumping party music still going strong below them. “I’d really like to see you again, you seem like a pretty interesting dude.”

            Credence didn’t know what to say, he’d never been asked to see someone again and…

            _Wait… Graves had asked to see him again after they first met too. Did that mean…?_

Blinking hard, he smiled at Jude and gave the boy a shrug. “I’m sorry to disappoint, but I think there’s someone else that I need to talk to first.”

*.*.*

            Newt and Tina were downstairs, back in the kitchen talking to Queenie and Jacob; no doubt setting up a double date. Newt noticed him first.

            “Credence! There you are! We’ve been looking for you.” Newt said before he really got a look at Credence’s face and his demeanor changed entirely. “Credence, are you high? Blimey, Tina, I think he’s high. Credence, were you peer pressured? Did they give you anything else? A small tablet or some kind of powder?”

            He was gripping Credence’s shoulders with extreme worry in his face and Credence let out a nervous laugh before shaking his head.

            “I’m all right, sorry I disappeared on you. A boy invited me to the roof and we smoked a little weed. He also kissed me, but then things got really awkward so we came back.”

            “He kissed you? What about Mr. Irish?”

            “Mr. Irish?” Tina suddenly interrupted, “Who’s Mr. Irish? Newt? Is Credence seeing someone?”

            Newt looked like he’d been caught red-handed and gave Tina a small smile. “Well, sweetheart…”

            “Have you guys been keeping tabs on my love life?” Credence asked, a sudden bout of anger rising in him. “I’m not a little kid, you know.”

            “Oh, we know that sweetie.” Queenie said, trying to diffuse the situation. “Tina and Newt were just worried about you, that’s all. We all really care about you and we’d never want anything bad to happen to you. You’re family, Cree.”

            Credence’s anger vanished in an instant. _Family._ He hadn’t had one of those in a long time.

            “We love you, Credence.” Newt said softly and Credence’s eyes grew wet at the words. “We were all so worried that you weren’t talking to anyone. When you came around the shelter to talk to me, you never mentioned any other friends. Jacob was the only one you ever brought up and even then I wasn’t sure if he was just a stranger or an actual friend. It… It scared me how alone you were. And then this morning, when you mentioned your Mr. Irish, I thought for sure something was finally happening.”

            “We only want what’s best for you, Credence.” Tina interjected, looking warily at him. “We would never want anyone else to hurt you like… well, you know.”

            And with that, Jacob unexpectedly let out a very audible sob and pulled everyone in for a group hug. Credence was pretty sure Jacob was as pleasantly drunk as he was. “You guys are idiots.” Credence laughed out and swiped at his eyes. “But thank you.” He said as he tried to hug everyone back. It felt nice and warm in the middle of four people that loved him.

*.*.*

            The night ended very much in light spirits. Tina and Newt had driven him home, Queenie and Jacob had meandered off on their own and Credence was now in his apartment; sobering up and petting a purring Salem.

            He thought of how he had thought the night was going to end when he first got the call to go to the party and how it actually ended up. He was content and happy. But most importantly, _he had a family again._

            “Think of the family Christmas cards.” He whispered to Salem who gave a soft merp and rolled over for belly scratches.

            Life was good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Gencarelli's Bakery on Broad St. is an actual place in New York, I just googled small bakeries and that was one that showed up  
> -I really wanted to invite Graves to the party, but I also wanted Jacob and Queenie to meet too; Don't hate me :(  
> -I thought it was really important that I show Credence in an environment that was meant for 'people his age', (whatever that means, am I right) ;) It isn't some life changing event being invited to an actual party, but I can say I went to two while I was in college and they made me feel a little bit more included each time  
> -Also asdfghjkl I have no experience with weed


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladies, gents, and non-binary friends. I present to you the first plot bunny I have ever encountered.  
> Enjoy!

_And I promise that one day I'll feel fine_

_And I promise that one day I'll feel alright_

_And I'll make a cup of coffee_

_With the right amount of sugar_

_-beabadoobee, “Coffee”_

*.*.*

It had been two weeks since the party and Credence had avoided seeing Graves like the plague. They’d talked on the phone a few times and several texts had also been exchanged, but the liquid courage that had almost made him talk to Graves about everything, had disappeared the next morning. All that was left was an odd swirling inside his stomach every time he thought of the older man.

He was currently at work, the café bustling with customers and various cups of caffeine floating around. He’d gotten stuck on the hot coffee station and his forehead was already sweating two hours into his shift.

His coworkers moved around him in a seamless pattern, someone took the cup he had just fixed of a coffee regular and passed it off. He never paid attention to anyone ordering if he was on drink duty, so hearing the cashier yell out a ‘Graves!’ into the café almost made him spill a cappuccino.

Whipping around with the half-finished drink, he was met with the sight of a smiling Graves from the other side of the counter.

“Morning, Credence.” He said, taking a sip of his drink and gesturing with his cup. “Quite a good coffee you make here.”

“Thank you, I guess.” He responded, not really knowing what was going on. The cup of cappuccino was starting to burn his palm. “Would you give me a minute?”

He quickly finished the order and passed it off before nudging his coworker, Charlotte. “I’m going to take my fifteen. Yell if it gets busy, okay?”

Charlotte nodded and smiled and Credence had his apron and hat off in a second. Graves was waiting for him at a table near the front, a magnificent scarf thrown around his neck that matched his business suit. Credence thought he looked like some kind of ambassador.

“Graves,” He said, sitting down across from him. “What, uh, what are you doing here?”

“What? I can’t get a cup of coffee from the place where my favorite person works?” Graves said and gave a devilish grin.

Credence blushed and looked down at his hands clutching his work hat, the faded black of the cap looking worse for wear now that he took a good look at it. He did not want to look at Graves, did not want to be reminded of a face he could not have. He furiously blinked away hot tears and feigned rubbing away a headache while wiping his eyes.

“Credence?” Graves said, his voice sounding awfully worried. “Everything all right?”

“I’m fine.” Credence finally responded, looking up and giving him a small smile. “It’s just, I should really get back to work. Enjoy your coffee, I’ll see you around.”

He left a stunned Graves sitting quite dumbly at the table and managed to make his way to the employee’s bathroom before bursting out into silent tears. His self-loathing had not been this strong since high school and he hated himself for feeling this weak over a man.

But he could not afford to be sad in this moment, there was coffee to make and pastries to reheat and people to serve. Taking a deep breath, he splashed a healthy amount of water on his face and blew his nose before deciding he did not look too horrible. Charlotte would be wondering where he was and he was sure there was already another line forming.

He’d have to talk to Newt and Tina soon.

*.*.*

“I don’t know,” Credence said, a bite of sandwich in his mouth. He and Newt were seated in a deli, eating their body weight in bread, meat and toppings. “One minute I was fine and the next I was crying in the bathroom, completely overcome with sadness. I mean, he was trying to be nice by showing up at my work and surprising me. I don’t know why I took it so bad.”

Newt gave him a contemplative look as he munched on a chip. “Do you like him?” He asked Credence.

At this, Credence felt his cheeks heat up and he mumbled out an affirmative answer.

“And does he like you?”

“I… I think he might. He’s always giving me compliments and he held my hand once. To keep himself from tripping, of course.” He stared numbly at his salami hoagie and gave a shrug. “How did you and Tina know you liked each other?”

“Ah, well now,” Newt said. “Funny story that. We hemmed and hawed in the beginning, I suppose we both knew we had feelings but I was even worse with words back then than I am now. Anyway, at some point I just blurted out that I thought her eyes looked like salamander’s eyes and she kissed me. We’ve been together ever since.”

This made Credence laugh and he shook his head of curls at Newt. “Of course that’s how it happened. That sounds just like you.”

Newt grinned at him and then became serious once more. “Maybe you should give him a call. Talk and see if he’s interested in anyone. It might seem scary, but it seems like you’ve already started the grieving process of him rejecting you. Might as well see if it’s worth it.”

“Mm, maybe.” Credence sighed.

They finished their sandwiches in relative silence, both men thinking on Credence’s situation. When they were done and Newt had said his good-bye, rushing off back to the animal shelter, Credence sat at the table by himself and thought.

He had never had feelings so strong for someone before. Graves made him feel simultaneously hopeless and breathlessly weightless. All his grade school crushes had been absolutely tame compared to what he was feeling now. And any experience with intimacy was practically non-existent.

He was sure his mother had held him as a baby, but he wasn’t sure at what point she had just stopped touching him. Mary Lou had been cold to all her children in that regard. There were no hair ruffles, no good night kisses, and certainly no hugs in any context. It just wasn’t done in his household.

His father had been a bit more lenient, and though he had died by the time Credence was twelve, there had been tickle fights when his mother hadn’t been home and nice soft cheek kisses when his father had left for tours during his service in the Marines. In fact, as far as he could remember, Gellert hadn’t been so much a father as he was just the bread winner for the family.

There hadn’t been any lost love between his mother and father. Now that he thinks about it, the only steady and healthy relationship he has for an example is Newt and Tina. And though Newt has talked about their hardships before, how Newt is busy with his animals and Tina spends most nights at the law firm where she practices, they have always made it work. There is a healthy dose of constant communication between the two.

Credence glanced at his phone. It was nearly four in the afternoon and perhaps Graves would answer his phone. With his heart practically beating so fast, it might send him into cardiac arrest, he pressed the talk button.

It rang four times before he heard Graves’ usual Irish accent answer.

“Credence, hey.”

“Hi, um sorry, I hope I’m not bothering you.”

“You? Never. What are you up to?”

“I finished my lunch, just thinking about… things.”

“Oh, what things?”

“Uh, about this morning actually. I wanted to apologize, I know I kind of blew you off and I don’t really have an excuse for my behavior.”

“Hey, it’s okay, we all have our bad days. I’m just glad you’re all right now.”

“Mm well, are you doing anything later?”

Credence heard Graves give a deep sigh on the other line and his heart gave an involuntary stutter.

“I’ve got some bad news for you, I’ll be in Ireland for the next month. I’m actually at the airport now.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, dead serious. There are problems with the company back at home and my dad wanted someone to go and sort it out. That was one of the reasons I went to see you this morning. I wanted to say a proper good-bye.”

There was a lump in Credence’s throat now. He felt like the world’s biggest dick head. And for a hot second, a fantasy of racing to the airport just for the chance to hug Graves flashed through his mind before dissipating just as fast as it had come.

“Well,” he said, staring out the deli window, “I kind of feel like an idiot now.”

Graves laughed and the sound instantly lifted Credence’s spirits. “Don’t be, I’m glad you called. I wouldn’t have wanted to wait another six and a half hours to hear your voice again.”

Credence was glad he couldn’t be seen in that moment, his cheeks hurt from how big he was grinning.

“What’s the matter?” Graves asked, “Salem got your tongue?”

“No, it’s just,” Credence stalled as he plucked at the hem of his shirt. “You make me flustered sometimes.”

“And you flatter me.” Graves said and Credence thought he might melt right into the floorboards beneath him.

There was a crackling of a loud speaker on Graves’ line and the general rustle of a crowd moving.

“That’ll be me, looks like my gate is open.”

“Oh, okay then.”

“Good-bye, Credence.” Graves said with a scary finality and Credence panicked.

“Graves!” He exclaimed and a woman in the deli shot him with some nasty side-eye. “Call me, when you land, no matter how late it is. I’ll answer.”

Graves gave a little laugh and Credence could almost hear him smiling through the phone. “Of course, I wouldn’t miss the chance.”

They hung up after mutual good-byes and Credence felt boneless before he frowned at his phone. He would have to switch his phone plan to an international one.

*.*.*

            The plane ride for Graves felt longer than usual. He’d taken this trip once a year for the past ten years and this was the only time it felt like he was leaving something important behind. Or someone.

Every year, his stay would never exceed a week, but this unexpected trip was going to be a month and he wasn’t sure how he would fare being away from New York for that long. He had called that lovely city his home for quite some time now and only recently had it really begun to feel like it.

_Credence Barebone._

Credence was an absolute conundrum to him. The younger man had somehow managed to worm his way into Graves’ every thought, like a friendly inchworm making its home in an apple. And Graves didn’t even mind.

He was there in the morning when he brushed his teeth and he would pop up into thought when he made an afternoon sandwich. And he was certainly there at night when Graves dreamt. But for the life of him, Graves didn’t understand why Credence hadn’t said anything to him about their relationship yet.

There was shameless flirting between the two of them, Graves was sure of that. Though if he was being honest with himself, he wasn’t entirely sure Credence knew he was flirting back with Graves. Perhaps he really _didn’t_ have any experience with dating.

He groaned and rubbed at his eyes. The in-flight dinner had been shit and it had done nothing to help with his growing headache. He half-wished he had badgered his brother into taking the trip instead of him, but Damien was inherently better at numbers than management. And while Percival Graves loved nothing more than writing journal articles, there was no denying that he was damn good at whipping employees into shape.

The airplane’s speaker system came on and Graves heard a flight attendant give a garbled message. They would probably be landing soon. He’d have to catch a cab to the family’s summer home in town and find something to eat. But before all that, he would call Credence. Graves always kept his promises.

*.*.*

Credence lay on his tiny twin-sized mattress, Salem curled up on his chest. His phone lay right next to him, fully-charged as he waited for Graves to call. It was late and he had work in the morning, but hearing Graves’ voice before he fell asleep would be worth it.

His eyes were just beginning to close when he heard his ringer go off. He sat up so fast that Salem yowled and stuck his claws in Credence’s night shirt to stop himself from being flung across the bed. Credence winced and apologized to his cat, unsticking his claws carefully before answering his phone.

“Hello?”

“Credence, hey, I hope I didn’t wake you.”

“Me, no, I’m wide awake.”

Graves gave chuckle over the line. “What time is it back home anyway? It’s nearly five o’clock in the morning here.”

“It’s nearly midnight.” Credence answered while he leaned up against the wall his bed was against. “How was your flight? Did you enjoy your courtesy peanuts?”

“Hey now, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were making fun of me.” Graves said and Credence laughed. “The flight was fine, pretty empty actually. Dinner was crap, some kind of weird imitation of shepherd’s pie.”

“I’m sorry. Are you staying at a hotel? Maybe they’ll have twenty-four hour room service.”

“I’m staying at home actually, my father owns a summer house that we use for business trips. I think someone’s already stocked the cupboards.”

“That’s convenient. What’s the house like?”

“Thinking of visiting?” Graves whispered so seductively that Credence could’ve screamed.

“No,” he answered as he cleared his throat. “Just trying to make conversation.”

“I’m serious, you know. I could fly you out here, the country is beautiful and you’d have a field day with your camera. The house has four bedrooms and there’s miles of landscape all around.”

Credence was blushing now, completely baffled at Graves’ proposition. “Well, I have Salem to look after and I don’t know how he’d manage on a plane ride.”

“What about your friend Newt? Do you think he’d be willing to take him for a week maybe?”

“Actually, I think Newt wouldn’t mind at all.” He said and chewed his lip in thought. “But I’d still have to ask off for work and there’s rent to think about…”

“I’d be willing to take care of that, I wouldn’t mind. You told me once that you’d never been out of the state so I think a trip would do you good. But, just think about it. I could fly you out in three weeks and then we could fly back to New York together when my month is up.”

Credence exhaled slowly and glanced at Salem who was licking his paw and feigning ignorance. “Okay, I’ll think about it.”

“Hey, that’s all I’m asking. Let me know by the end of week, okay?”

“Right.”

“I’ll let you go then, I’ve got to pick up my rental car, but you have a good night, Credence.”

“Good night, Graves.” He said, as he hung up the phone and flopped back on his bed. “How am I supposed to sleep now?”

            Salem just curled up on his chest again and started purring.

*.*.*

Graves stared at his phone and swallowed. He’d just invited Credence to Ireland.

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.” He whispered to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I sent Percy to Ireland with the intention of letting the two have some breathing room and he surprised me by inviting Credence. I think that's the first time a character has ever spoken to me. Go figure.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this a bit early because I don't know if I'll have access to internet by Friday and because it's a bit of a longer chapter. Oddly enough, I have most of chapter nine worked out, but I'm struggling to write eight so wish me luck :) Enjoy!

_Don't be shy just let your feelings roll on by_

_Don't wear fear or nobody will know you're there_

_Just lift your head, and let your feelings out instead_

_And don't be shy, just let your feeling roll on by_

_-Cat Stevens, “Don’t Be Shy”_

*.*.*

It had been three days since Graves had invited him and he had yet to make up his mind about it. If he were being honest with himself, his gut instinct was to say yes. To hop on a plane and go somewhere completely different for a week. He would get some entirely new shots and he would get to experience a place that wasn’t New York.

But there were practicalities to think about. Like what Newt and Tina would think and how the thought of flying on an airplane for the first time made him just a tad bit queasy. About how he would be sharing a house with Graves for a week. _Alone._ Yes, that thought was enough to send his head spinning.

And he and Graves had known each other for a few months now. They had done enough things together and shared plenty of conversations, it was not like he was going to be staying with some stranger. But still, the uncertainty hung in the air around him.

*.*.*

He made a surprise visit to Newt that night at the shelter, he still had the key from when he had first worked there. Newt had let him keep it and told him to use it if he ever needed a place to stay or just someone to talk to. He had rarely used that privilege over the few years he had known Newt, but he knew that tonight justified a visit.

The halls were dark and mostly quiet, though occasionally there would be a bark or a meow that echoed through the building. It was quite late and all the other employees had gone home. Newt was the only one who stayed past open hours. The animals meant everything to him.

Newt and Tina’s voices floated down the hall as Credence neared his office. It sounded like the two of them were having a playful argument.

“Newt, really, I don’t know how you live in this mess.”

            “I’d hardly call several stacks of papers a mess. Besides, last time I visited your office, it didn’t look any better than mine.”

“I work at a law firm, papers are necessary. Since when do you need to keep every adoption form ever?”

Credence stepped in then, clearing his throat and knocking on the doorframe to announce his arrival.

“Cree, what are you doing here?” Tina said, jumping up from the lumpy couch she had been sitting on. “Are you in trouble?”

“No, everything’s fine. I just came to talk.”

Tina and Newt exchanged glances and Tina ushered him to sit on the couch next to her, he sat down and the couch gave a strong squeak of protest.

“Sorry,” Newt winced. “Been meaning to replace that.”

Credence shrugged and scanned Newt’s desk. There were, in fact, several stacks of papers sitting haphazardly. If Newt had had a fan in his office, it would have looked like a tsunami had blown through. But he was stalling, clearing his throat once more and fiddling with his sweater cuffs.

“So, I’m assuming both of you have been out of New York?” He asked as nonchalantly as he could manage.

“I’m from England, so that would be a yes.” Newt answered.

“Me and Queenie went to France the year after I graduated college.” Tina added. “I’ve also been to New Jersey. They have some very interesting hot dogs there.”

“Do they really?” Newt asked Tina.

“Oh yeah, the best hot dogs come from Jersey.” Tina said before turning back to Credence. “Have you been thinking about traveling somewhere?”

“Well, actually, I had an offer extended to me.”

“That’s wonderful, where would you be going?”

He paused, looking back and forth between the two before answering. “Ireland.”

“Brilliant!” Newt immediately shouted while Tina looked positively flabbergasted.

“Ireland?” She asked, sitting up straighter on the couch. “But that would mean…”

“Mr. Graves invited me.” Credence said, reverting back to referring to him as seniority in a room of two very different energies. “He got called away on a business trip for the next month and he wants me to join him for the last week of his stay.”

“Credence, that’s very lovely, but there are things to consider before doing something so hasty.” Tina said and Newt immediately interjected.

“I’ll take Salem, I don’t mind.”

“Newt! This is serious.” Tina said sternly, shooting Newt a dirty look.

“He’s already offered to pay for my plane ticket and his summer home has more than enough bedrooms so I wouldn’t have to stay at a hotel or anything.” He said, trying to appease Tina’s protective nature. “I’d mostly be going to take more pictures.”

“And that’s very nice of him, but… well, we don’t even know the man!”

“We can invite him ‘round for dinner when they get back.” Newt said, looking quite pleased with himself.

Tina considered the two men and opened and closed her mouth so rapidly she resembled a fish. “At least let us talk to him.” She said at last, holding out her hand for Credence’s phone.

Credence looked at Newt who grimaced in agreement. Sighing, he reluctantly handed his phone over. “He might be asleep.”

“Then we’ll leave a message.” She said with a very thin mouth.

“Best let Tina do all the talking.” Newt whispered to him from across his office.

Tina pressed the call button and then turned the speaker phone on. Five rings went by before Credence heard Graves answer the phone.

“Credence, sorry, I just left the office actually and…” He managed to get out before Tina interrupted him.

“Mr. Graves, I presume?” She said and there was a few seconds of silence.

“Yes, may I ask who I’m speaking to?”

“This is Tina Goldstein, I’m a very dear friend to Credence and it’s to my understanding that you’ve invited him to stay with you in Ireland.”

“Uh, yes, but I don’t know what that has to do with…”

“Mr. Graves, what is your intent with Credence?”

“Sorry?” Graves said and Credence groaned and hid his face in his hands.

“Do you plan on kidnapping him? Selling him to the black market so you can profit off his harvested organs? Or are you just a pervert with hidden cameras in this summer house of yours?”

“Hey, whoa there, Credence is just as much my friend as he is yours. I only wanted to offer the chance at a trip outside New York. I’d thought he’d appreciate it.”

“Right, I’ll take it from here.” Newt interjected and took the phone from Tina’s hand. “Mr. Graves, Newt Scamander here. Tina only wanted to make sure Credence was taken care of, you understand. He’s very important to us and it’s very worrisome to send him on a trip with a man we don’t even know. Well, to be frank, I’m not worried at all, I agree when you say this will be good for him. But Tina probably has quite a few more questions, so if you could be a good chap and answer them, that would make this whole process much more painless.”

Newt passed the phone back to Tina who proceeded to question Graves for another five minutes, mostly about things pertaining to the older man’s virtue. All Credence could do was stare at Newt’s office wall and hope that Graves didn’t think his friends were too weird.

“Right, well, I appreciate your time, Mr. Graves,” He heard Tina say as she finished and he let out a sigh of relief. “I’ll pass the phone over to Credence now.”

The phone made its way to him and he switched the speaker off, scuttling into the hallway for a bit of privacy.

“I’m so sorry about that.” He whispered and Graves let out a hearty laugh.

“It’s really no trouble, Credence. I’m sure your friends were genuinely worried about you.”

Credence hummed in agreement before Graves continued.

“So, is that a yes?”

“What?”

“Is this a yes, are you accepting my offer to come to Ireland?”

“Well, I…” Credence palms were starting to sweat and he had to lay a hand over his heart because it had suddenly sped up in a fit of anxiety. God, why did the older man have to make him so nervous?

“Yes. This is a yes.” He said finally and laughed a little, that hadn’t been so hard.

“Excellent! That’s… really excellent.” Graves said and Credence could’ve sworn he sounded a little nervous himself. “Right, well, I’ll start looking at flights then. I’ve still got your email so I’ll send you all the details through there. Sound good?”

“Sounds great.” He said and realized he hadn’t stopped smiling.

They said their good-byes and Credence slid down the wall he was standing against and sat on the floor with a dopey, soft smile for a few minutes before standing back up and walking back into Newt’s office. Both Tina and Newt were looking at him with a peculiar stare.

“What’s the matter now?” He asked, looking back and forth between the two.

“Right,” Newt said, clapping his hands together and squaring his shoulders. “I think it’s time to have the safe sex talk.”

“Oh my god, no!” Credence groaned and Tina hid her laughter behind her hand.

*.*.*

Credence was currently rushing back and forth through his apartment, Salem glaring at him through his cat carrier. He had had to lure the cat in there with some particularly fresh fish from the local market while he waited for Newt to show up.

“Toothbrush!” He suddenly shouted and ran back into his bathroom to grab it. He should have packed ages ago, but he had spent the last two weeks worried that nothing would actually happen. That maybe his flight would get canceled, or Graves would say the trip wasn’t going to work out after all, or that maybe he would somehow be involved in a horrible accident and wouldn’t be able to go.

But he had stayed perfectly healthy and Graves had emailed him his ticket information and how to check-in a day before his flight, which he had barely remembered to do. And his birth name had been changed a year ago so there was no worrying about accidentally outing himself to Graves. Though he knew it was only a matter of time before that happened.

Tearing open his closet, he pulled several long-sleeved shirts off their hangers and threw them onto the bed. If it was cold in New York, it was sure to be colder in Ireland. A few hoodies and one heavy jacket followed the long-sleeves on his bed and they were all folded neatly in his suitcase that Newt had been gracious enough to loan him.

He threw in a woolen beanie, an old soft scarf and a pair of gloves that now fit him a little tight but that would work just fine. Socks and underwear joined the pile in an overabundance and also a small medicine bag which contained his testosterone, brand new syringes and antiseptic pads.

He was frowning and trying to remember anything else he needed when there was a knock on his door. Newt had arrived early.

“Good morning!” Newt exclaimed when Credence opened the door. “Lovely weather for a flight isn’t it?”

“Uh, yes, I suppose.”

“Feeling a tad nervous?” Newt asked, heading straight for Salem’s carrier and cooing at the cat.

“Just a bit. I’m just packing now actually, trying to remember if I forgot anything.”

“I’m sure you’ll be fine, you’re a far sight better than me. I went back to England once for the holidays and completely forgot all my pants. I dunno how a thing like that even happens.” He explained as he tentatively stuck his fingers through Salem’s carrier and smiled when the cat rubbed up against them. “I was afraid he had forgotten about me, you know. But it seems not. Have you packed all your camera equipment?”

“Yes, that was the first thing I did.”

“I don’t suppose you’ve forgotten _your_ pants have you?”

Credence laughed and shook his head. “I think I may have packed too many.”

“Better too many than not enough. What about your passport and ID?”

Credence stared at Newt for a few seconds before dashing off and taking them out of his bedside drawer. He’d been extremely lucky to get one in just two weeks as Tina had been helpful and had given his paperwork a little push in the right direction. He tucked that in his carry-on bag and breathed a sigh of relief.

“You should probably have one of these as well,” Newt said as he entered Credence’s bedroom, pulling a small package from his overcoat. “It’s a wall adapter, wouldn’t want your camera to die and not have a way to charge it.”

“Oh, thank you.” He said and smiled at Newt.

“It’s no problem,” Newt smiled back and glanced at his open suitcase. “What’s this? It seems you packed the wrong pair of gloves.”

“But that’s the only pair I’ve got.” Credence replied, scrunching up his face in confusion.

Newt surprised him by pulling out another slim package from his coat and handing it to Credence. “These are from Tina, she wanted to drop you off as well, but she got stuck at the office.”

Credence took the package from Newt’s hands gingerly and carefully opened it to reveal a set of pristine leather gloves.

“God, these are beautiful.” He gasped as he slid his fingers down them, feeling the brand new texture. He’d never had anything as new as the gloves, even his camera had been bought second-hand. “I wish I could call and thank her. These are really too much.”

“Nonsense,” Newt waved. “She knew how much you were going to love them.”

And Credence, for the first time in his life, initiated a hug. He wrapped Newt up in his gangly arms slowly and rested his chin momentarily on Newt’s shoulder, pulling away when Newt gave a pleasant sound of surprise and patted his back briefly.

“Thank you, Newt, for everything.” He said and he found suddenly that he didn’t know what to do with his hands.

“Ah, well, it’s… that is to say I’m…” Newt was beginning to stutter and looked at his watch in a fit of anxiety. “Oh dear, look at the time! Credence, we best go if you want to make your flight. You finish up here and I’ll take Salem down to the car.”

Newt practically flew out of the room and Credence smiled at the spot where he had stood. He could get used to this.

*.*.*

The airport was crowded and people were tugging luggage to-and-fro. Airport workers in ill-fitting suits waved people to their next destination and bored looking hostesses were taking people’s bags. Credence felt like he was on his next big adventure.

He gripped his luggage a little tighter and checked in his bags, the automated machine printing out a sticker for him to attach. The woman at the counter weighed it and waved him along and another man pointed him in the direction of the TSA agents checking everyone in.

He emptied his pockets, took his laptop and camera out of his bag and pulled his shoes off as well. He stood in a long line of people and wiggled his toes in his yellow socks subconsciously.

The TSA agent sent him through the x-ray tube and had to give him a small pat down, but other than that no one asked any funny questions about him.

He still had a good hour before his gate opened and he sent a quick text to Graves.

- _This airport is huge and all the workers look extremely bored, do you think they sell souvenir magnets?_

**_-I wouldn’t doubt it, have a good check-in?_ **

_-It went faster than I thought it would, I’m not sure what I’m meant to do while I wait_

**_-Grab a bite to eat, explore the shops, take a few photos. You can also watch the planes as they take off and land if you’re near a window. Just listen to the announcements and stick near your gate. Wouldn’t want you to not show up when I’m expecting you ;)_ **

_-You are a tease, Percival Graves_

It was the first time he had ever addressed him by his first name. It was turning into quite the day for firsts. He felt his phone buzz and stared at the text.

**_-I know I am, and Percy is just fine_ **

His cheeks burned and he stuffed his phone in his pocket and scanned around, wondering if anyone had caught him looking so… enamored. The lyrics to a Disney song flitted through his head.

_No chance no way I won't say it, no no_

_(You swoon you sigh why deny it oh oh)_

_It's too cliché I won't say I'm in love_

Credence cleared his throat and quickly made his way to the first fast food place he saw, he might as well eat something before his flight.

*.*.*

He had been on the plane for an hour now and the sky looked magnificent. Though to be honest, he had spent the first fifteen minutes trying not to have a panic attack. He had been fine up until the plane started accelerating on the tarmac and he had gripped his armrest and tried not to hyperventilate. And as the plane had ascended, it almost felt like his physical body had been left down on the ground and the only thing that was flying was his disembodied soul.

Quite the bout of discombobulating nausea.

But it had passed and now he was enjoying the scenery, taking pictures with his camera and most likely annoying the person seated next to him. Being up this high made him feel infinite. Air travel was certainly an experience.

The lovely flight attendant handed him his meal shortly after and it struck him that they served the water in a pre-packaged plastic cup. It was peculiar, but he drank it anyway. The meal had been just all right. Lord knows he had had worse when he was at boarding school and he unconsciously grimaced as he remembered the soft meatloaf they served every Monday.

Surprisingly, he was able to sleep a couple of hours, perhaps the plane taking off had taken more out of him than he realized. He awoke to the flight attendant gently waking him up and telling him they would be landing in thirty minutes and handed him a small juice cup and some pretzels.

Touch down had been a little nerve-wracking, but it was tame compared to taking off. He stretched and put his camera back around his neck, looking out the window for the last time. The sky outside was dark and an announcement came on letting everyone know the time difference and the current weather. He yawned and joined everyone in gathering their carry-on luggage and quietly shuffling down the airplane aisles and into the terminal.

He got his larger bag at baggage claim and wheeled through the cold airport, wondering where he was supposed to meet Percy. Despite the nervousness of seeing the older man again, he couldn’t help but admire the airport he was walking through. It reminded Credence far more like some kind of international space station on a different planet than an airport meant to cater to Earth.

Wide glass windows were at every turn and multicolored lights were in long stretches of abandoned hallways. He found himself stopping and taking pictures every so often, much to the annoyance of anyone walking by him.

Remembering suddenly that his phone had been on airplane mode, he switched it off and waited a few minutes while his phone caught up with the time and location difference and smiled as a string of messages came in from Percy, Newt and Tina.

**_-Hope your trip is going alright, I’ll see you when you land. Meet me by the giant yellow nebulous, it almost looks like a mess of yarn._ **

_-Text me when you get in, Tina wants to make sure you didn’t die_

**-Newt is over exaggerating but please text us when you land. Xx**

He gave a little laugh and sent Newt and Tina messages that he was safe and attached a selfie with the peace sign thrown up. On a whim, he sent the same photo to Percy and wheeled off in search of the giant yellow nebulous.

He found it ten minutes later, after a quick detour to the bathrooms. Percy was standing in front of it looking a little bit tired, but he perked up as soon as he saw Credence, giving the younger man a dazzling smile.

“Percy!” Credence exclaimed and only just managed to get his camera out of the way in time to throw his arms around him. He didn’t know what had possessed him, but it felt decidedly nice standing there with his arms full of Percy.

“Credence, God I missed you,” Percy said as he returned the hug with as much fervor. “I don’t think I’ve ever missed New York as much as I have these past three weeks.”

“Well, I’m here now.” Credence said, pulling away from the hug and smiling at Percy.

“That you are.” He responded, throwing his left arm casually around Credence’s shoulders and taking his luggage in his right. “Tell me all about your flight, I want to know everything.”

And as they walked out of the airport together, Credence beaming under the arm of Percy and regaling the account of his first flight, he was almost certain the horizon held the inevitable tale of his past and what that meant for the two for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I took some liberties with Credence obtaining his passport so fast because this is fiction after all  
> -I've been to three different airports, two of which I remember clearly, so please excuse any inconsistencies with air travel


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tfw you write an entire chapter and then word doc decides to corrupt your file and you have to re-write the entire thing from your short term memory (҂⌣̀_⌣́) ╰༼=ಠਊಠ=༽╯  
> But in all seriousness, this chapter marks the beginning of the mature rating, nothing saucy happens, but better safe than sorry. As a side note, I personally do not refer to any of my body parts as anything traditionally 'female' and therefore I will be extending that same behavior towards Credence. It's just personal preference, folks.

_My breath's been held tonight_

_You've got me somewhere I don't know_

_And although I've gone away_

_That somewhere always feels like home_

_Can't say I'm better off alone_

_-Dylan Gardner, “I’m Nothing Without You”_

*.*.*

Even in the fading light, Ireland looked marvelous. Credence couldn’t help but take pictures through the rain-spattered windows and smile at the natural effect it had on the quality. He wondered what the coming week would bring.

“I was thinking we could get a bite to eat first.” Percy said, unintentionally answering his question. “There’s a pub that stays open a bit late and the beer there is amazing.”

“You know, I’ve never really had a beer before.” Credence said, lowering his camera.

“No?”

“Well, I’ll be honest, I’ve had a mixed drink before, but I know the two have totally different tastes. Plus, I always hear that American beer tastes like watered down piss.”

“That’s a bit of an understatement.” Percy laughed.

The parked down the block and when they walked in, Credence couldn’t help but soak in everything around him. Percy led him to a window seat and excused himself to order at the bar. The atmosphere around him was intoxicating, the patrons laughing and having a good time.

It was such a different take then New York, which was warm in a familiar but uninviting way. But the people here all looked like they would have welcomed him with open arms.

Percy came back briefly, carrying two tall glasses of something dark and then made a second trip and came back with two baskets of fish and chips.

“Cheers.” He said, sliding one glass towards Credence and taking a long pull from his own.

Credence took a small swallow and decided it wasn’t too bad before taking another healthy gulp and helping himself to a fry.

“So, have you anything you wanted to do in particular while you were here?” Percy asked.

“I was hoping to see some castles maybe, for creative inspiration and all that.”

“Castles we can definitely do.” Percy said, smiling. “Though I will say there are loads of them. You might want to be a little more specific.”

“I did do some googling. The Kilkenny Castle looks pretty cool.”

Percy nodded appreciatively and took a bite of fish.

“Do you think any of them are haunted?” Credence continued.

“I didn’t think you were someone who believed in ghosts.” Percy remarked, a renewed interest in the conversation.

“Literal or metaphorical?”

“Let’s say both and keep it interesting.”

“Well, obviously metaphorical ghosts exist.” Credence said, taking a sip of his drink. “Everyone has some kind of regret that haunts them.”

“What are some of yours, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Probably that I haven’t talked to my sister in a long time. She was eleven when I left, and she’d be about sixteen now. I wonder how much she’s changed, if she misses me as much as I miss her. Modesty was the best out of all of us, she deserved better than our mother.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sure she misses you just as much.”

Credence shrugged in feigned indifference, eating a another fry. “What about you? Any regrets?”

“Probably that I’m getting so old.” Percy smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

“You’re not that old.” Credence laughed. “You’re still…”

“Ruggedly handsome?” Percy finished for him and Credence nearly choked on his beer making Percy snort in amusement. “Honestly though, I think the thing I most regret is the reason my last relationship ended.”

“Oh?” Credence asked, wiping his chin of spilled beer.

“Sera and I were together for six years. We got on well together, and I thought we were in love for a while, but we had a fundamentally different way of viewing life. She wanted to further her career and spent most of her time working late hours. Which was all well and fine, I supported her in any way possible, but my primary goal was to lay back and enjoy the ride life was giving me. She told me once I was entirely too sentimental.”

“Did it end badly?”

“Luckily, no. I guess we both knew we were heading in different directions and we had a long talk over lunch and that was that.”

“I’m sorry. Are you… still in love with her?” Credence asked shyly.

“No, not at all. I’ve moved past that already.” Percy answered with a small chuckle and gave Credence a curious stare making him squirm in his seat. “But what about literal ghosts, Credence? Any spirits in your life?”

“Not that I’m aware of, though I suppose I wouldn’t know what signs to look for even if there were. Experiencing one would be pretty neat.”

“Neat, he says. Credence, you’re a mad man.” Percy laughed, shaking his head.

They finished the rest of the dinner in mundane conversation, Credence asking about the area and what kind of beer they were drinking. When they left, the rain had stopped and there was a chilly breeze blowing. Percy’s rental car was a nice reprieve from the elements and Percy wasted no time in blasting the heaters.

“The cottage is about a twenty-minute drive from here.” Percy said, as he pulled away onto a main road. “I didn’t know what bedroom you would want so I made up the one with the nicest view.”

“I’m not picky, as long as there’s a bed I’ll sleep in it. But thank you, for thinking of me.”

“Oh, I’m always thinking of you, Credence.” He said, glancing from the road to Credence’s face and giving the frozen boy a smile. “You know, you almost get flustered _too_ easily. God forbid I say anything more scandalous than that.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Credence said, hiding his smile behind his hand.

Percy only laughed and turned the radio on so music played softly. Credence had never enjoyed a car ride more, driving down long winding roads with someone he really liked.

The cottage itself, Credence was relieved to see, was not anything overtly fancy. It was a simple two-story house with an unattached shed and a short garden fence surrounding the small property.

“Unfortunately, I have work in the morning, but there are a couple of bikes in the shed or I could leave some money for a cab into town if you would prefer.” Percy said.

“I haven’t biked in some time, doing that might be fun.”

Percy parked in the gravel driveway and Credence got out, taking his backpack with him while Percy was kind enough to get his suitcase from the trunk. The night sky, however, caught his eye almost immediately and he stood with his head tilted back, eyes wide with wonder at how many stars there were.

“Kind of puts your meadow to shame, doesn’t it?” Percy said, stopping beside him and staring at Credence with the same wonderment that Credence held for the sky.

Credence nodded dumbly, his fingers inching towards his camera and Percy smiled.

“C’mon, reattach your jaw and you can come back out once you’ve gotten settled.”

They made their way into the house and Credence was amazed at how homely it felt. There were wooden floorboards covered in oriental rugs and dated, but comfortable looking furniture in the sitting room and kitchen.

“I think you live in a fairy tale, Percy.” Credence remarked as they made their way up the stairs. “I don’t know how you stay in New York when you’ve got all this.”

“I suppose it’s the people that keep me there now.” Percy replied, looking back at Credence through the corner of his eye. Credence only gave a soft smile back.

His bedroom looked positively cozy, with a fluffy quilt over the bed and a mirrored wardrobe against the wall. And…

“There’s a sink in the bedroom.” He observed.

“Yeah, they’re meant to be time saver when someone else is using the bathroom and you need to brush your teeth or wash your face.”

“Convenient.” Credence said and there was an awkward moment in which neither of them knew what to say.

“Right, well, I’ll let you use the shower first.” Percy said, breaking the silence. “The bathroom is right next door and I’m across the hall if you need anything.”

“Um, thank you. Good night, I guess.”

“Good night, Credence.” Percy said, making his way out of the room and then lingering in the doorway.

“Yes?” Credence asked, clutching his backpack strap.

“Nothing really, I’m just glad you decided to come. I missed your face.”

And Credence found Percy’s face to be so soft and filled with warmth that he couldn’t help but hold the prolonged eye contact, Percy finally breaking it with a wink as he shut the door behind him.

Credence sat down on the bed, his knees feeling weaker than they ever had in his life. There was a rollercoaster of emotion roiling in his stomach; an instinctual need to run back to Percy immediately, the heat gathering in his face and the tips of his ears making the room at least ten degrees hotter and another growing warmth and hardness taking place in the crotch of his pants which he desperately tried not to think about.

_Cold shower, Credence, cold shower,_ he thought and immediately dove for his suitcase. Christ, Percy hadn’t even touched him, and he didn’t want to think about what would have happened if he had.

He pulled a pair of boxers out and was amused to find that they were covered in cartoon avocados, the least sexy thing he could think of. Piling a pair of cotton pajama bottoms and a plain t-shirt on tops of those, he peeked his head into the hallway to find it empty. He practically scurried to the bathroom like a rat about to get caught looking for crumbs.

The bathroom was nice, tiled with a porcelain tub against one wall. He set his clothes on a towel rack and fiddled with the knobs until water started to flow. The actual bathroom itself had no sink, oddly enough, but it did have a mirror and Credence stood in front of it examining himself.

He supposed his face was handsome enough, his jaw nice and square and his cheekbones standing out more than they had in his youth. He pulled his shirt over his head and grazed his eyes over his chest, shuddering slightly. He had been lucky enough to be blessed with a small chest during his first puberty and after his second, the fatty tissue there had shrunk just enough to hide it behind thick sweaters and the occasional over-sized shirt.

Taking off the rest of his clothes, he slid into the shower and tried very hard not to think about the fact that he was now naked in Percy’s house. He didn’t think he’d ever taken a faster shower in his life.

It took fifteen minutes to shower and another five to redress himself, pulling on his thick coat and beanie. Grabbing his camera and tripod, he crept back out of his room again and made his way down the stairs, trying to note where the particularly squeaky ones were.

The sky was just as brilliant as when he’d left; a plethora of stars scattered across with a splash of blue and green, like someone had painted the sky just for him in that moment. Even staring out across the land was breathtaking, with green grass and short stone walls as far as he could see.

He set up his tripod on a patch of green lawn, flicking through the settings until night mode popped up. He had done plenty of night shoots back home. Rooftops were especially nice to get stellar shots of the New York skyline, but it always helped to have new perspectives.

He snapped several shots and then for kicks, set up his camera for a time-lapse. Leaving the camera to do its thing, he walked forward and braced himself against the fence, soaking in the moment and where he was.

He was with Percy in a strange, yet familiar place and it felt utterly exciting. Turning around, he leaned against the fence and stared back at the house. There was a glow of light coming from what he could only assume was Percy’s room. He spotted a shadow moving across the space and his heart gave a tiny flutter.

There was no denying that he liked Percy immensely and that there was a high probability that Percy liked him back. There were too many coincidences of staring and shy glances between the two of them for it to be anything else. The only problem was telling Percy how he felt and about his big secret.

And standing there, with the wind blowing and his hands stuffed in his pockets to keep them warm, he even wondered if maybe he might be in love with the older man. He took a deep breath and puffed it back into the night air.

Because what was love really?

He knew that Newt and Tina were in love. He knew that Newt loved Tina enough to attend the occasional party with her. He also knew Tina loved Newt enough not to discourage him from pursuing anything other than the animal shelter even though it didn’t make a lot of money. And he knew from previous conversation with Newt that Queenie and Jacob were head over heels for each other. The honeymoon phase, he had called it.

So, what did Percy make him feel?

Alive mostly, as strange as that sounded. Transitioning had lifted a haze of depression off his eyes but being with and around Percy made him feel like he was breathing a breath of fresh oxygen. Percy made him feel like he was valid as a person. Conversations came naturally to the two of them and even when they didn’t, the silence was never unbearable. And he didn’t know if that was love or not, or whether it could be something that would turn into love. He sighed, pushing back off the fence and walking to turn his camera off.

He went back into the house, locking the door behind him and creeping back up the stairs, trying to remember where the squeaky ones were and half succeeding. The hallway and bathroom were quiet and there weren’t any lights coming from under Percy’s door, Credence figured he had gone to bed.

His own room was pleasantly warmer than it was outside, and he slipped under the covers as soon as he got back into his room after laying his jacket and beanie over his suitcase. He wondered how Salem was doing and thought he was probably fine if the reunion with Newt was any indication. He yawned and rolled over; he would call them in the morning.

*.*.*

_He is in a strange place. Maybe it is an orchard, but he doesn’t really pay attention too much to that. He wanders through the greenery, hands brushing against the trucks of trees and a light feeling in his chest. Peace, that’s what this is._

_At the end of the orchard, he is in a backyard and he hears someone call his name. It is Percy and he is smiling at him. He smiles back and they meet face to face. They only stare at each other for what feels like an eternity._

_Finally, Percy takes another step and gently takes Credence’s shoulders into his hands._

_“Kiss me.” He says and Credence’s heart begins to beat faster than it ever has. This is what he’s been waiting for, after all. But there is a hesitation as he cradles Percy’s face in his hands. He doesn’t know if he can do this. Everything will change if he kisses him and he can’t lose this life he has._

_“Do it, it’s okay.” Percy says so gently that Credence breathing starts to fail._

_“I can’t.” He says, still holding Percy’s face, staring into his eyes and doubting every part of himself._

_“Credence?” Percy says, his eyebrows furrowing and staring at him in confusion._

*.*.*

“Credence?” He heard and he lazily pinned whatever was touching his hair to the bed in a half-sleep daze.

“Five more minutes, Salem.” He mumbled and he heard a soft laugh.

“I’ll let you get back to sleep, but I just wanted to say that I’m off to work. I’ll be back this evening, enjoy your day.”

_Not Salem,_ Credence thought and opened his eyes, blinking slowly in the dim window light. “Percy?” He asked, pushing himself up slightly.

“Yes?”

And Percy almost seemed like an angel, hair slicked back and wearing an immaculate suit in the early morning light. Credence could’ve kissed him. But he only gave him a small smile and patted the hand still held loosely in his own.

“Have a good day too.” He said, releasing the hand and burying himself under the covers once more, closing his eyes and falling straight back to sleep.

He was not awake to catch the look of complete adoration on Percy’s face before he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: A flashback containing abuse, bodily harm, misgendering, transphobia, and general unpleasantness.  
> Please read end notes for an important announcement.

_When the sharpest words wanna cut me down_

_I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out_

_I am brave, I am bruised_

_I am who I'm meant to be, this is me_

_-Keala Settle, “This Is Me”_

_*.*.*_

_cre•dence_

_/ˈkrēdəns/_

_Belief in or acceptance of something as true_

*.*.*

He woke slowly, rubbing his eyes against the morning light streaming into the room. There was no memory of leaving the shades open the night before but he yawned and felt around for his phone. It didn’t want to turn on and he realized he must have forgotten to plug it in. He got out of bed slowly and rummaged around in his backpack, plugging the charger in using Newt’s nifty international wall adapter.

            He yawned again and walked barefoot to the sink in the corner of his room and had the oddest washing up he’d ever had. He traded his pajamas for a long sleeve shirt and a pair of worn jeans, adding a pair of black socks and then padded his way down the stairs.

The kitchen was, of course, empty and the refrigerator seemed to be fully stocked with practically any kind of food. Playing it safe, he reached for the eggs and a carton of juice. With the pan heating up, he searched through the cupboards trying to figure out where the bread was kept and then marveled at the fact that there was an actual bread box on the counter.

He fried three eggs, poured himself a glass of juice and waited for his bread to toast. Staring out the kitchen window, he smiled at the domesticity of it all and then giggled after he jumped when the toaster dinged. He ate slowly at the kitchen table, imagining what Percy was doing and reminiscing on his pleasant dreams for once. He didn’t remember much, just flashes of an apple orchard and an image of Percy with a halo.

Credence washed his dishes in the sink and then sauntered back upstairs, lacing up a worn pair of sneakers which he liked to call his ‘adventuring shoes’ and the sweater and beanie he had left out last night. He was slinging his camera around his neck before he remembered he was supposed to call Newt.

He pulled his phone off the charger, turning it on and scrolled through his contacts, clicking on one that said ‘Fig Newton’ with a tiny berry emoji next to it.

_“Credence!”_ He heard when the call went through. _“Everything all right?”_

“Everything’s great.” He answered, laying back on the bed and letting his legs hang over the side. “It’s really beautiful here.”

_“I would expect so. How’s Mr. Irish treating you?”_

“Fine, we had dinner last night and he went off to work this morning. I was going to go adventure when I remembered to call about Salem. How is he?”

_“He’s just tickety-boo, thrilled to see the other cats. I brought him in to say hello to everyone this morning and he was friendly as anything. Seems to have a particular liking for Darling actually.”_

“Tickety-boo?” Credence asked.

_“Quite. Though I will say Darling hasn’t been nearly as hostile with Salem as he has with anyone else. I think your cat may be magic, Credence.”_ Newt said and Credence gave a lively snort.

“How has Darling been anyway?”

_“Better I’d say, I can hand feed him now, but he’s a devil when you try and pet him. Little steps, you understand.”_

“Yeah, I do.” He said, thinking about his maybe-relationship with Percy. “Is Tina there?”

_“She’s in the office, trying to get a bit of work done, but I’m sure she’d love to hear from you.”_ Newt said before Credence heard a disturbance in the background. _“Oh damn, that’ll be the new exotic monkey.”_

“Aren’t monkeys illegal in New York?” Credence said, shooting up from his spot on the bed.

_“W-Well, yes, technically but,”_ He heard Newt stutter out.

“Newt, remember what happened with the kangaroo?”

_“Fiddlesticks, that was a fluke. And anyway, I’m trying to get him rehomed before the authorities catch on this time. It’ll be fine. But listen, I better let you go. Call Tina, enjoy the country, take lots of photographs and come back safe, yes?”_

“Yes, of course. I’ll call again in a few days, just tell Salem I love him and,” Credence chewed his lip before finishing the sentence. “And I love all you guys too.”

There was a bout of silence, but Credence could swear he heard Newt smiling through the phone and that was all he needed really.

“Good-bye, Newt.” He finished.

_“Good-bye, Credence.”_ Newt said, before there was particularly loud screech and Newt shouted, _“Oi!”_ and the line disconnected.

Credence laughed, going back to his contacts and calling Tina’s cell phone this time.

“Hey, Tina,” He said when she answered.

_“Credence, good to hear from you. How was your flight?”_

“Nerve-wracking, but it was worth it. This place is so green.” He exclaimed and she laughed.

_“That sounds lovely, Cree. What about Mr. Graves? Everything all right there?”_

“Everything’s fine, better than Newt’s monkey.”

_“Monkey?”_ She asked.

“Uh, well,” He stammered, feeling the smile slide off his face and perfectly timed, there was the unmistakable yell of Newt in the background.

**_“Tina! Bit of help, dear!”_ **

_“Oh, for goodness sakes! Credence, call me back later. Good-bye, I love you, so much.”_

“Bye, Tina.” He said, hanging up.

He shook his head, staring at his phone and imagining the mess back home.

*.*.*

Credence decided that Ireland was the greenest place he’d ever seen. He’d gotten the GPS to work on his phone and he knew he was somewhere in Kildare County; though, as an American, he didn’t where that was in relation to anything else. But he had a bike and he knew Percy’s address so he could get back and that was all he needed to take pictures, really.

He had remembered Percy turning into the driveway from the left the night before and he’d gone the opposite way, biking down the road on the right and letting his camera take streaky pictures with the self-timer.

Credence biked casually for maybe an hour, turning down random roads and enjoying the scenery. He stopped a few times to take close-ups of hedges and nice panoramas of the landscape, and even took a few of the empty road so he could edit them later.

He only stopped when he saw a rather enticing looking tree with a few sheep in the distance. There he rested, with his back against the wide trunk, and munched on an apple he had snagged from the kitchen table before he left. And it was something like a fairy-tale, as he sat there and imagined what it must be like to do this all the time.

To live a life taking his time exploring and taking pictures at his leisure. He didn’t know who would buy his pictures or if anyone would even be attracted to the idea of his work. He knew his photos were good, or at least interesting. But he’d never gotten the chance to take a professional class or do a proper photo shoot with lights and smoke and backgrounds. Maybe things like that just came with time. Maybe they didn’t even matter.

Credence stretched his legs out and closed his eyes, setting aside the apple core and just enjoyed the moment.

*.*.*

He’d woken up from a light nap under the tree to find a sheep nibbling on his discarded apple core and he had been thrilled at the chance to photograph one up close. The sheep had even been kind enough to let Credence tentatively pet his head before bleating and trotting off.

But Credence was back at Percy’s now, the growing wind chill driving him back to the safety of the cottage. He’d have to invest in a taxi the next time he wanted to go anywhere farther.

It was nearly six in the evening and he was in a rather comfortable plushy chair in what he had assumed was the reading room, curled up with a book he had found lying around the house. He had no idea what it was about but it read fantastically. Something to do with ancient kingdoms and arranged marriages, it sounded like.

He was in the middle of chapter seven when his phone dinged. It was Percy.

**_-Are you around?_ **

_-Yes?? Reading a book, why?_

**_-I’m making dinner, thought I’d let you know_ **

_-I didn’t even hear you come in_

**_-I can be sneaky when I want ;)_ **

He laughed out loud and marked his book carefully before stretching and making his way into the kitchen. He was _not_ prepared to find Percy in a rather fitted apron over his white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up enough to expose his forearms. Credence’s mouth was suddenly watering and he swallowed nervously.

It looked like Percy was in the middle of making some kind of homemade pudding and he had gotten some it on his thumb, which he proceeded to suck into his mouth to clean. It made something in his gut clench as he imagined something else in the place of Percy’s thumb.

Credence immediately hacked out a cough and cleared his throat. His thoughts were becoming too bold.

“What are you making?” He asked, trying for some semblance of normalcy.

“Dessert.” Percy answered, smirking at Credence. “The pasta is nearly done and this’ll cool while we eat. Hope you’re hungry.”

“Yeah, starved.” Credence said and without even having been asked, started pulling two plates and silverware from the cupboards. “I didn’t even know you knew how to cook.”

“Ouch.” Percy said, faking a wounded frown and Credence let out a huff of laughter. “I don’t know how I would have survived this long if I hadn’t.”

“I honestly figured you had a maid who did all that.”

“Tell me what you really think of me, Credence.” He said teasingly and they both laughed.

The dinner was wonderful and Percy’s meatballs tasted like heaven and as soon as Credence thought that, he nearly choked on one before grabbing at his water glass and feigning a dry throat.

“So, how was your day?” Percy asked, leaning against the table and allowing Credence a glimpse at his bare chest that peeking through the top most undone button.

“Saw a sheep.” He said, tearing his eyes away to look at Percy who seemed to know what Credence had just been staring at.

“Just one sheep?” He asked, his eyebrows raising good-humoredly. “Nothing else?”

“Um, no,” He said, mentally shaking his head out of any more dirty thoughts. “I went on a bike ride and took some pictures, enjoyed the view and somehow managed to fall asleep under a tree. Then it got cold so I came back and started reading a book I found. That’s pretty much it really.”

Percy nodded, and leaned back in his seat. “Well, listen, I thought tomorrow we could, I don’t know, have a stroll and I could show you around.”

“Really? What about your work?”

“Don’t worry about that, spending time with you is more important. You’re here to visit me after all.”

“Oh, right.” Credence said.

“I thought I’d take you to my hometown, do a bit a sight-seeing, make you feel like a proper tourist.”

“I’d really like that, thanks.” Credence said, a smile on his face as they continued their conversation and dinner.

*.*.*

They were on a secluded cliff side, sat on a well-worn blanket with an old-fashioned picnic basket between them. Percy had somehow finagled his way into taking a day off and though he would occasionally have to take an urgent phone call, Credence was enjoying spending the day together.

It had been a good one too. Credence, for one, had left his camera behind in the cottage and had simply relished his time in the present. Percy had shown him the cobbled streets of his hometown and they had both had a traditional breakfast, complete with fried tomatoes and sausages. It was nearly perfect in Credence’s opinion.

Now, with the wind blowing gently and tender music playing from a small speaker the older man had brought along, the waning evening felt like something akin to a movie scene.

“Credence?” Percy asked, drawing him out of his thoughts and he turned and smiled at him. “Lost in your thoughts?”

“Yeah, you could say that.” He said and tried to smooth his wind-blown hair back into place.

“You want to talk about it?”

He shrugged and gave a shy smile. How could he ever explain to Percy how much he and this trip meant to him?

“Right then,” Percy said, climbing to his feet and extending his hand to Credence. “C’mon, dance with me.”

“What?” He asked, genuinely shocked, but he extended his own hand and let Percy help him up.

“This is a good song that’s playing, you know, and I wouldn’t want to miss the chance to dance to it with you.”

“Well, I don’t really know how to dance.” He explained even as Percy wrapped his an arm around him and held one of his hands aloft.

“That’s all right,” Percy said, smiling at him. “We’ll just sway to the music until we figure it out.”

So they danced. To the tune of something old, with words that Credence was barely listening to. Because all he could focus on was Percy looking at him and holding him just tight enough to turn him on. And Percy was right. Within a minute, Credence found their feet simply gliding along to whatever was playing.

It was so romantic, Credence thought he might cry. To hide his wet eyes, he made a bold move and leaned his head against Percy’s shoulder, closing his eyes and soaking in the moment. Percy cradled his own head next to his and it felt nice, extremely nice, to be able to be this close with the man he liked.

“Credence?” He heard Percy whisper and he hummed in acknowledgement and contentment. “There’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you for a while now.”

“What’s that?” He whispered back.

“I know we’ve been never talked about… us before, but I was wondering if maybe this could be a more permanent thing. You and me?”

And Credence knew what he was asking. Because he also knew what his answer was and he would be a fool to say no to Percival Graves. He had denied himself long enough, and this was the moment he had been waiting for after all.

He straightened himself out, reluctantly removing his head from against the other man’s shoulder and stared at him with wonderment in his eyes. It was now or never as they slowly stopped dancing and came to a standstill. He was staring at Percy’s mouth now which seemed so tantalizing it could have been a sin, and without further thought, he leaned in and touched his lips to the others.

They were kissing.

God, he was kissing Percival Graves and everything felt right. There was sparks all around him and giant swooping butterflies in his belly and he slowly removed his hand from Percy’s and cradled his neck, deepening the kiss. Christ, kissing Percy felt like… home.

He tasted like the wine and cheese platter they had just had and it somehow tasted even sweeter coming from Percy, whose hands were now holding his waist tightly. But there was something itching in the back of his mind. The one thing he was leaving out. His big secret. His… otherness.

With a gasp, he pulled away from Percy, breaking the kiss, and tried to catch his breath. He had to tell him. They were both half-lidded in utter bliss and arousal and Credence couldn’t hold his secret in any longer.

“I lied.” He blurted out and Percy gave him a much warranted confused look.

“What?” He asked warily.

“Remember the first day we met, and you asked why I left home so young?” Credence started explaining as he slowly pulled away from Graves.

“Yeah, you told me it was because you were gay.”

“Well, I lied.” He answered, hanging his head and stuffing his hands in his pants pockets.

“You’re not gay?” Graves said and he crinkled his forehead in confusion.

“No, I am, but that’s not why I left.”

Graves stared at him and slowly shook his head. “I don’t think I understand.”

He felt one hot tear slip down his cheek and before he knew it, the whole tale was spilling out of him and he was telling Graves everything.

*.*.*

_He is just getting home from his last year of boarding school. He is half-relieved in a way. But there are parts of him that dread going back home. Mostly because he knows his mother will have a tighter rein on him and he isn’t sure how he is going to fare under her regime when he knows he is meant to be someone else._

_But that is something he will have to think about later. Now, he is dragging his suitcase up the stairs and into his small attic room. He likes it up here. Both of his sisters have actual bedrooms, but he has always been content with his living space. It is him._

_As he heads back down, to the kitchen to see if maybe his mother has food waiting, he finds her on the first-floor landing._

_“Prudence, dear, did you have a nice trip back?” She asks rather sweetly, which is nothing like her._

_Chastity had driven him back which was also unusual, but he dismissed it. She was in her early twenties and driving was second nature to her._

_“Yes, mother, Chastity is an excellent driver.”_

_“Yes, I think so too.” She says with a pained smile and he is sure something bad is coming. He has not had a punishment in a few years, but whatever it was that he did must be bad enough to warrant a stare down on the stairs._

_“Follow me back upstairs, dear.” She says at last and he waits for his mother to climb the steps first before following in her lead._

_She takes them to his room, and he swallows nervously, eyeing the loose floorboard in the corner. Has she found his stash of ace bandages and boys underwear?_

_But she simply takes a seat on his bed and pats the space next to her. He sits down warily and smoothes his skirt over his knee before his mother grips his thigh tightly._

_“Now Prudence, there have been some very disturbing things I’ve been hearing about you while you were away.”_

_“Oh?” He asks, thoroughly unnerved. What could she have heard?_

_“Yes, the school nurse called and said during the yearly health exam, you were wearing some ridiculous tape across your breasts.”_

_He grows still and pales. He hadn’t thought the nurse had noticed. He had worn a sports bra over the tape to cover up and make himself seem normal, but he was sure everything had been hidden._

_“And then,” his mother continues. “The head nun says you’ve been cavorting with some of the townie boys, dressed as a boy with a cap to cover your head no less. Now, why is that Prudence?” She says and he can feel her fingernails digging past the cloth of his skirt and into his leg._

_“Mother, I don’t know. The school nurse must have obviously been seeing things and Sister Mary Margaret was probably…”_

_But before he can finish, she digs her nails in harder and he gasps out loud. “Do not lie to me, girl.”_

_“Mother, I swear I…” But Mary Lou is one step ahead of him and she wrenches open his bedside drawer and pulls out a plastic bag. She spills out the contents onto the floor and there lay his ace bandages and his men’s boxers._

_“And this?!” She practically spits._

_He is crying now; scared, hot tears. He knows whatever comes next will be bad._

_Mary Lou grabs him by his hair and drags him to the floor, his knees skidding across the floorboards and he is sure there will be scabs later._

_“Your belt.” She whispers harshly and he quickly unbuckles the slim belt that holds his skirt up. “Kneel in front of the mirror. Take off your shirt.”_

_“Ma, please, I can explain.” He tries one last time, but Mary Lou strikes his shoulder with the buckle and silences him._

_He crawls to the floor length mirror that is in his room and quickly pulls his shirt over his head. He hates the way he looks. He almost thinks this is punishment enough. To stare at himself in this state, with long hair and his small a-cup bra hiding what he wishes he didn’t have._

_He looks at his mother through the mirror before bowing his head and bracing his hands on the floor._

_The first lash stings and he jerks before resetting his position. The second and third blend together and his breaths start to come in hisses, he wonders how many his mother will see fit to give him today._

_He counts nine lashes before he is sobbing silently and his hands are trembling, struggling to hold himself up. And Mary Lou surprises him by grabbing his hair again and making him face himself in the mirror once more._

_“Do you see, girl? This is who you are! This is who God made you to be! I thought I stomped it out when you were younger. You always played with the boys on the playground, do you remember that time you took your shirt off in the mud when you were four? You embarrassed me, Prudence. You still embarrass me. Why can’t you be normal?” She yells and gives him a disgusting look in the mirror._

_“Perhaps,” she continues, now whispering. “If I had let your father have his way with you, you might not have turned out to be so boyish and freakish.”_

_He lets out a yell then and wrenches himself from his mother’s grasp. He cannot do this any longer._

_“No!” He shouts and stands with his fists clenched at his side in front of Mary Lou._

_“What did you say to me?” She yells right back and grips the belt that is still in her right hand._

_“I’m a boy, Mother, I always have been!” He shouts and it is so silent, he thinks the world might have stopped turning. His mother’s face contorts, and she shrieks wordlessly and whips the belt across his face._

_The blow is enough to send him staggering and as he reaches up to touch his cheek, his fingers come away red. This is the last straw._

_With a violent yell and a shove, he barrels into Mary Lou and sends her crashing to the floor where her head proceeds to bounce off the bedpost. She does not move._

_With heavy breaths, he slowly walks over and reaches out to her neck. There is a pulse which means she is only knocked out. She will be fine._

_There is a fury in him that he cannot stop, and he crosses over to grab his backpack that he has just brought back from school. He dumps everything out and stuffs in the contents of the previously spilled plastic bag. He also packs his most masculine pairs of jeans and a few t-shirts. He pulls another shirt over his head and winces as it scrapes over his still fresh lashes. He digs out a zip-up hoodie from his suitcase and pulls that on as well. He knows with experience that the city will get colder once the night hits._

_On another quick note, he grabs a pair of scissors from his dresser draw and stuffs those in the backpack as well. Sparing his unconscious mother one more glance, he practically flies downstairs._

_Chastity is in the kitchen, making dinner and her eyes widen at his bleeding cheek._

_“Pru?” She asks and he shakes his head_

_“Tell Modesty I’m sorry.” He says before rushing out the front door._

_“Prudence!” He hears his sister call, but Prudence is no more._

_That night, he stays in the subway system. He takes the train as far it will go, and he finds refuge in a bathroom which he locks. He trashes his skirt in the overflowing trashcan and pulls on a pair of jeans._

_With trembling hands, he takes the scissors from his bag and starts to chop off his long hair, the pieces floating down to the floor or in the sink._

_By the end of it, he is left with a mop of unruly, but short hair._

_Credence is finally starting to stare back at him._

*.*.*

Credence cried silently; his arms wrapped tightly around his body as he clutched at his elbows. He didn’t want to look at Graves. He did not want to see the same disgust that was on his mother’s face all those years ago. The pain of losing him was crippling him already.

“Credence? You mean you’re…” Graves trailed off and Credence took a few steps away from him and stared out across the cliff and towards the sea, wiping his face on his sleeve.

“I’m a boy,” He said at last and waited for the inevitable. “But I wasn’t born one.”

He heard the rustle of Graves walking towards him and he hunched his shoulders, preparing himself to say good-bye. _It’s been a good run_ , he thought.

“Credence, I don’t care.” He heard Graves say and it was so quiet, all he could hear was the slight wind blowing and the distant sound of waves crashing. “You… being who you are, it doesn’t matter. Look, I’ll be honest, I don’t have experience with this kind of thing, so I’m not sure what exactly is appropriate to say but, all I know is I like you. A lot. Hell, I might even love you. I think I have since the day I met you. You’re an incredible person, Credence. You’re funny and witty and humble. You see things through your pictures that I’ve never been able to see. I’m lucky to even know you.”

Credence turned to him and sniffed rather loudly, rubbing his eyes once more. “I like you too, Percy. And I didn’t want to lose that, that’s why I was scared to tell you. I didn’t want you to think I was a freak.”

“Never.” Percy whispered.

“You aren’t going to send me back to New York?”

“Jesus, absolutely not.” He said, his face twisting with worry and shock. “I’d be a monster if I did that.”

And there were no words left to say after that.

Credence and Percy found each other at the same time and Credence clutched at the other man in a fierce hug. He tried to put every emotion he was feeling into the hug; gratefulness and pure joy at not being rejected. He wanted to tell Percy so many things, but just settled for standing there and being content with being held.

“I’m sorry that you ever thought I wouldn’t like you because of your past.” Percy whispered carefully, now rubbing Credence’s back. “And I’m sorry you ever had to suffer the wrath of your mother. No one deserves that, least of all you.”

“That means a lot coming from you.” He said, his tears drying and Percy squeezed him a little harder, burying his nose in Credence’s hair. They stood there for a few minutes more before Percy broke the silence again.

“I’m assuming Newt knows.” Percy said.

“Yes. When I first met him, I didn’t look like me at all. And Newt, he was so nice about it. Always offered me food and a place to stay if I needed it.” Credence laughed a little, remembering. “I think I even had a bit of crush of him for a while, but he was dating Tina and eventually he sort of turned into my big brother. Now they’re pretty much the only family I have.”

“You’re making my heart bleed, Credence.” Percy said, gently pulling away from the hug and holding Credence’s face, rubbing under his eyes for any stray tears. “Look at you, you look like you need a warm blanket and a cup of hot chocolate.”

“That does sound pretty nice.” Credence responded and smiled a little.

“Let me take you home, Credence.” Percy said so gently, Credence could’ve started weeping all over again. “I just want to hold you and I’d preferably like to do it with a roof over our heads.”

And Credence laughed, giving Percy a light peck on the lips before heading to pick up their blanket and picnic basket.

“Hot chocolate first, remember?” He said, smiling back the older man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo, here we are. This was originally supposed to be two chapters, but I'll be honest and say that I am in the middle of the moving process so I just wanted to get out an update in time. I will be working on the fic here and there but I do not know when the next chapter will be posted. Rest assured this fic is not abandoned. These two still have so much story left to tell.  
> Until then, follow me for a healthy string of Good Omens posts on [my tumblr](https://iswear-imcoolinreallife.tumblr.com/).


	10. Author's Note

Hello, dear readers!!  
Goodness, it has been a while since I've updated this. A forewarning, feel free to skip this if you're the kind of person that despises author's notes that have very little to do with the actual plot.  
I originally told myself that I would stop updating because I was in the middle of a big move and I needed to give myself time to acclimate and find a new job, but that time quickly went from a couple of weeks to a couple of months and now here we are, six months in a new city with a job I've been working at for four of those and I've yet to touch this story.  
In all reality, I think it was because I was scared. Credence, in my story, was moving faster than I ever had in my personal life and I was at a loss for how to proceed with his relationship with Percy. Despite being 24, I had never been in an actual relationship or had, you know, ~those feelings~ before. I honestly didn't know how to handle it.  
But, lo and behold, while living somewhere different, I met someone. Someone who didn't care that I was trans, someone who was attracted to me including all my flaws and who I came to care for very deeply. Now, having been broken up for a month, I can face this story again. I can go forward and give Credence the happy ending that most so desperately seek.  
So, this one's to everyone who thinks they don't have a chance because of their identity.  
You DO deserve love, you DO deserve to be coddled and kissed and shown affection. You are not a freak, no matter how hard you try and convince yourself that you are. Someone, someday, will look at you and see through the outside and recognize the soul that's underneath.

Love Always,  
Cas James

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. Chapter One will be under construction at some point because I went back to read my work and it does have some plot inconsistencies lol


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